No power, yay!

When our lives are upset by big changes we need time to vent, to rail against the unfairness of it. And then we need to move forward.

Loadshedding is one of those big changes that have turned our lives a bit upside down.

We’ve done plenty of moaning about Eskom and the Government that got us into this situation. Yes they stuffed up big time. And yes they haven’t really owned up to that. Things will eventually change because new power stations are coming on line as well as alternate contributors to the grid. All the complaining has possibly contributed to getting Eskom and the Government to take the situation seriously and make some changes. Now it is time to move forward.

Continuing to complain isn’t going to change the situation. Unless you are taking yourself off the grid completely you will be living with load shedding for another couple of years. So let’s stop wasting our energy on the venting phase and get onto moving forward.

There are three main steps for moving forward from any big change:

·         See the humour in it

·         Find the benefits

·         Make adjustments to align to the new reality

With respect to load shedding we have been seeing the humour for awhile. South Africans are generally very quick with that. I’m sure you’ve seen the one, "What did South Africa use before candles? Electricity."

And some companies are finding a way to make it work for them. "Blackouts? We'll introduce you to switched on candidates," apparently appears on a billboard for a recruitment agency.

Last weekend we had two nights in a row with no power from 6pm to 10.30pm. A friend messaged me on Whats App saying she quite enjoyed it as it “forced” her to relax. I asked on my personal FB page what advantages others perceive in being load shed, and someone commented on how beautiful the silence is without electrical background hum.

So with a view to moving ourselves forward what benefits can you find in being load shed? Get imaginative! Who can come up with the longest list?

To Solve or not to Solve?

The other day my daughter described something in her life that sounded like a problem. When she finished I remained quiet, processing what she’d said. She then went on to say, “You don’t need to solve it, I just needed to say it.” I was quite relieved! I had been thinking, “I don’t know what to suggest. What should I say?” 

Her talking through the issue, and me hearing her, was far more important than her getting a solution at that point in time. For many of us that is a strange way of thinking. We are accustomed to going straight into solution mode.

Very often better solutions would be found if we first allowed more time for people to express their needs and feelings. We could be more helpful by asking some questions which focussed their thoughts. And, in giving them the time to think out loud, they may find their own solution, or just the acceptance of what is.  This applies both at home and at work.

During a workshop I was facilitating for managers we practised Fierce Conversations. These are structured conversations that allow us to confront tough issues with courage, compassion and skill.

In this ten step method we name the issue in step one but we only talk about any sort of solution in step nine!

The delegates really struggled with this. They kept jumping to the solution before clarifying how they felt about it, or what was at stake, or eliciting the other person’s viewpoint. They also wanted to present the other person with the solution instead of allowing them to make suggestions.

If the problem is ‘solved’ in this manner the opportunity to be aware of alternative perspectives is missed. The other person hasn’t developed any of their own problem solving skills. And very often they are unwilling to change their behaviour to adopt your chosen solution. 

I myself am a solution oriented person. I have had to work very hard at listening, asking appropriate questions and allowing others to find answers for themselves. However the results when I get it right are so exciting. The other person feels so much better about their own abilities, they often come up with amazing ideas and they are far more likely to go ahead and implement those ideas with enthusiasm.

There are of course times when you are in fact responsible for finding a solution, especially in a work environment. Even then the results maybe better if you involve a group of people in the discussion to find a solution. Letting go of the need to always have the solutions can be a big relief.

A possible new approach is:

Does this situation require a solution?

NO - Then I can simply listen with empathy.

OR YES - Then is it really necessary for me to solve it all by myself

   YES - Solve it!

   NO - What questions can I ask? (which will help the other person, or a group of us, to come up with some ideas to explore)

Thoughts and pictures have power

A lot has been said and written about the London Olympics so I wasn’t going to say anything but there are just two wonderful stories from medal winners which I want to quickly share with you. They are fabulous examples of how we influence our own lives with our thoughts and drawings or scribbles.

 

“I want to say that I beat him. I want to go out there and beat the best. To be the best means racing the greatest that’s ever been.” said Chad le Clos prior to the Olympics. (I love his positive language and his focus.) About Phelps he said, "Ever since 2004 when he won six gold medals, he has been an inspiration and role model.” "I have all his major races on my computer, I think I have watched the 100m butterfly Beijing final, when he beat Cavic by 0.01 seconds, a million times. I have it in seven different languages."

Now years ago I was told if you want to be successful pick a person in your field that you admire, and feel what it is like to be them.

Here is what Chad said after he won the gold and beat Phelps, “I felt like him, swimming that last 50 I felt like I was Phelps,” “I always wanted to swim in an Olympic Games and I wanted to be like him.” It seems it worked for him!

And here is a story about the enormous power of putting your dreams and inspirations onto paper:  

The Right Timing

A client in a senior management position recently came to me for a couple of sessions after being over looked for a promotion. Her boss told her that although she was highly qualified and did very good work, she “didn’t make her presence felt” in meetings or workshops, so no one noticed her.

This client made excellent progress over her three sessions. In fact between her initial phone call to me and her first appointment, she had already experimented with speaking up in a meeting. She was so surprised that she could do it and at how well she was received!

After experiencing the fulfilment of being more involved and recognised, she said she wished she had come to see me years ago. I replied, “That may have been good but you also may not have been ready to make the small but necessary changes in yourself. We all grow when the timing is right.”

A couple of days ago a 20 year old, contemplating a choice between continuing their current studies or changing institutions, told me “staying where I am is safe, but I am feeling it is time for another big jump.” A lot of young people are more attuned than we perhaps were. They are ready to take brave leaps if we are supportive or simply get out of their way.

Have you experienced tackling a project where nothing seems to go right, no matter how hard you try? And perhaps you end up leaving it. Sometime later you pick it up and try again – and it all falls into place, almost effortlessly.

There are other times when the little clues tell you to do something but it feels scary and we argue ourselves out of it. If the plant doesn’t flower when the Spring conditions are just right, it may have to wait a full year to have another chance. Keep yourself open and alert to the opportunities and clues that come your way – people you meet, things you read, a word you hear. And when you feel that urge, be brave and go with it.

If we listen to our wisdom, whilst being open to opportunities, everything will happen, when it should – not too soon and not too late.