Take the pressure off yourself

“You don’t look yourself,” was the greeting from a friend on meeting me for our final committee meeting of the year. “I am tired,” I replied. “The last couple of weeks I have just been chasing my tail and barely meeting deadlines.” As I said it, it struck me that this was most unusual for me. What had gone wrong?

Into my head came a picture of Stephen Covey’s four quadrants.

Ideally we should spend most of our time doing activities that fall into Quadrant 2 – important but not yet urgent.

I had instead slipped into being in Quadrant 1 – important and urgent.

I haven’t done that for many years. I make a point of planning and prioritising, of saying No when necessary and of remaining in the moment rather than worrying about what may be coming. However somehow that went pear shaped at the beginning of December. By the time I realised what I had done I was feeling drained and dissatisfied.

I am now back in Quadrant 2 and feeling so much better.

If two weeks of that made me so tired, what do months and months of it do to us? And what’s more it is an unproductive space, so all that stress and strain is achieving even less.

Perhaps this is a good time for each of us to evaluate where we are working from and if that isn’t a productive, enjoyable space to make a plan to change it now?

(Originally written in December 2011)

The Right Timing

A client in a senior management position recently came to me for a couple of sessions after being over looked for a promotion. Her boss told her that although she was highly qualified and did very good work, she “didn’t make her presence felt” in meetings or workshops, so no one noticed her.

This client made excellent progress over her three sessions. In fact between her initial phone call to me and her first appointment, she had already experimented with speaking up in a meeting. She was so surprised that she could do it and at how well she was received!

After experiencing the fulfilment of being more involved and recognised, she said she wished she had come to see me years ago. I replied, “That may have been good but you also may not have been ready to make the small but necessary changes in yourself. We all grow when the timing is right.”

A couple of days ago a 20 year old, contemplating a choice between continuing their current studies or changing institutions, told me “staying where I am is safe, but I am feeling it is time for another big jump.” A lot of young people are more attuned than we perhaps were. They are ready to take brave leaps if we are supportive or simply get out of their way.

Have you experienced tackling a project where nothing seems to go right, no matter how hard you try? And perhaps you end up leaving it. Sometime later you pick it up and try again – and it all falls into place, almost effortlessly.

There are other times when the little clues tell you to do something but it feels scary and we argue ourselves out of it. If the plant doesn’t flower when the Spring conditions are just right, it may have to wait a full year to have another chance. Keep yourself open and alert to the opportunities and clues that come your way – people you meet, things you read, a word you hear. And when you feel that urge, be brave and go with it.

If we listen to our wisdom, whilst being open to opportunities, everything will happen, when it should – not too soon and not too late.

Pushing back

“Why isn’t the work we agreed on finished?” “Bess from dept A asked me to extract some data for her and Jim from Dept B needed graphs prepared”. Does this happen to you or to people you work or live with?

In 2002 I was managing a team at SARS. I found that because my staff had a reputation for being able to provide answers and deliver, they were constantly interrupted with requests. With the result that they had to work overtime to keep up with their own work, sometimes fell behind and were feeling stressed. I called a meeting and we discussed what was happening. They were all helpful people who felt guilty to say No to anyone who asked them nicely.

So we set some new rules (or boundaries). I would let the departments we supported know that we would be planning our week’s work on Monday mornings. Anything they required from us was to be communicated to me by the previous Friday (or very early on Monday morning). Anything not so requested would stand over for scheduling the following week.

My team agreed that they were answerable to our schedule before anyone else’s. If someone asked them for something during the week they learnt to say “No” in a nice way such as “I’d love to help you once I have finished all of this week’s work” or “If you give the request to Alison I am sure she will schedule it for you.”

Naturally there were emergencies and we did make adjustments to accommodate the legitimate ones, but for the most part after a few weeks everyone pretty much cooperated with us.

The result was a happier, fulfilled, engaged team delivering on time and getting through even more work than they’d ever done previously.

All of us have a need for boundaries in some aspect of our life. Without them our values, needs and priorities get subjugated by those of everyone else. We lose sight of what is important, suffer health problems, miss important events with loved ones. Some of us do too much for others. We think we are helping but we are denying them the opportunity to be strong.

Think about how you could modify what we did at SARS to help you in your own circumstances.

Fitting it all in

Emma Thompson (writer, actress) shared her view on balancing career, family and hobby in an interview on channel24 today. Her answer is so pragmatic - I just loved it.

She was asked “How to balance your career and being a mother with your activism? You’re involved with a number of campaigns, supporting refugees and the opposition to a third runway at Heathrow Airport.”

She replied “Well I just try and parcel it out and say ‘what can I manage in this month…’ Like if I’ve got a deadline or I know, for instance, this month I’ll be away a lot because I’m promoting Nanny McPhee and I’m also taking the family on holiday, so I say ‘what can I achieve?’ and then cut my cloth accordingly. It’s just a bit of a balancing act really and unfortunately it does mean that I say ‘no’ a lot. But you know, I hit my 50th last year and you think to yourself ‘I have to choose very carefully what I do and make sure that it’s important..’ (read the entire interview here)

That last sentence ‘I have to choose very carefully what I do and make sure that it’s important..’ sums up the key to taking control of your life so succinctly. Now all you have to do is put it into practice :-).

1. Let go of the expectation that you need to do everything
2. Identify your values and your priorities
3. Generate personal energy (increases capacity)
4. Develop ritual habits (increases capacity)
5. Simplify your life
6. Learn to say “no”
7. Work from quadrant two – important, not yet urgent
8. Plan your week and your day (max 3 – 6 priorities per day)
9. Use your time efficiently
10. Be in the moment

Have fun

If you want more help with this come along to one of our workshops “Take control of your life” or “Help, I’m a yes-addict”. There is one this Saturday and the other next week Saturday.