Who’s Being Strangled?

A few years ago a friend recommended her hairdresser in Illovo. So the next time I needed a haircut off I went. Grant did a great job and I’ve continued to see him regularly since. I love how my hair just feels different after a good cut and how it comes alive. However after the last two visits I didn’t really get that feeling.

I was wondering if I needed to change hairdressers but I thought let’s just see how it goes this time. Off I went feeling very bored with my hair. I sat down and Grant asked me what I wanted done this time. I replied “I don’t know. What would you like to do?” He straight away picked up that I was ready for a change and asked a couple of questions to ascertain the parameters of that change! And off he went.

The result was great. Both of us were happy.

The next day as I was brushing my hair I was musing over what had made the difference. Even though on previous visits I hadn’t been too directive as to what he should do, I think Grant had been feeling restricted, or he’d got into a rut. My open invitation to him to do what he pleased (within reason) released his creativity and his talent all over again.

It was a reminder to me of how easy it is to stifle a person. And how wonderful when the person is free to show how good they are.

One of the recruitment companies has been running a radio advert that says something like “you don’t want slackers, recruit the right people”. When I hear it I want to add on “and then give them the freedom to show you how good they are.”

What aspects of your work environment – structures, systems, processes, people (managers) – maybe stifling instead of enabling? How much more ability do people have that isn’t being revealed at work? Just think what releasing it could mean to the growth of the company. It could be like having a 50% greater workforce with no increase in cost.

No power, yay!

When our lives are upset by big changes we need time to vent, to rail against the unfairness of it. And then we need to move forward.

Loadshedding is one of those big changes that have turned our lives a bit upside down.

We’ve done plenty of moaning about Eskom and the Government that got us into this situation. Yes they stuffed up big time. And yes they haven’t really owned up to that. Things will eventually change because new power stations are coming on line as well as alternate contributors to the grid. All the complaining has possibly contributed to getting Eskom and the Government to take the situation seriously and make some changes. Now it is time to move forward.

Continuing to complain isn’t going to change the situation. Unless you are taking yourself off the grid completely you will be living with load shedding for another couple of years. So let’s stop wasting our energy on the venting phase and get onto moving forward.

There are three main steps for moving forward from any big change:

·         See the humour in it

·         Find the benefits

·         Make adjustments to align to the new reality

With respect to load shedding we have been seeing the humour for awhile. South Africans are generally very quick with that. I’m sure you’ve seen the one, "What did South Africa use before candles? Electricity."

And some companies are finding a way to make it work for them. "Blackouts? We'll introduce you to switched on candidates," apparently appears on a billboard for a recruitment agency.

Last weekend we had two nights in a row with no power from 6pm to 10.30pm. A friend messaged me on Whats App saying she quite enjoyed it as it “forced” her to relax. I asked on my personal FB page what advantages others perceive in being load shed, and someone commented on how beautiful the silence is without electrical background hum.

So with a view to moving ourselves forward what benefits can you find in being load shed? Get imaginative! Who can come up with the longest list?

Looking backwards

We frequently hear that we need to have a vision, that we should look ahead, keep our eye on the goal. But some years ago a wise person told me that we also have to look backwards.

Why look backwards?

Imagine you were sailing from Durban to Mauritius. That takes a few days on a cruise liner. As you leave Durban all you see in front of you is blue ocean. As you look forwards towards your goal of Mauritius it looks as though you are standing still. But if you look back towards Durban it is easy to see how first the harbour and then the Durban coastline gradually becomes smaller and smaller as you move away.

An occasional look backwards is important when the vision is a long distance one, when the goal takes a while to reach.

Many of us find ourselves in the middle of a change process. Perhaps our company is making changes yet again. Or maybe we are going through a transition in our own lives. Sometimes it feels as though we will never get to the end, that we will be in a permanent state of flux. It can be hard to stay motivated when the end looks far away. Looking back to see where we have come from allows a fresh perspective.

Last year I saw a performance of Athol Fugard’s “Master Harold and the Boys”. In this play set in 1950 Port Elizabeth, we see racism and bigotry play out in the interaction between a young boy and his mother’s employees. It reminded me of growing up in South Africa in the 70’s. It contrasted starkly with how I, my friends and my colleagues interact with people of all races nowadays.

As we left the theatre there was a family ahead of us with teenage daughters. I overheard them talking to their father. They were saying it was just a play and no one would have said those things in real life. Their father was trying to explain the realities of apartheid in that South Africa. He could look back and see a change. They only know the ‘new South Africa’.

This year I saw Bailey Snyman’s dance play “Moffie” which highlights the attitude to homosexuals in the SADF of the early 80’s. This coincided with the time most of my friends did their national service. Whilst there is still prejudice in 2012 we now have legal same sex marriages and much of society is more accepting of sexual preference.

And then a couple of weeks ago we went to a screening of “Searching for Sugar Man”, the film about Rodriguez (well worth seeing). As a teenager I remember listening over and over to my sister’s Cold Fact album and singing along to “I wonder”. The film flashes back to Cape Town in the late 70’s, showing its natural beauty, but also the obvious signs of apartheid like the “nie blanke” signs. There are also a few old news clips of protests and an SABC employee shows how the banned tracks on the LP were scratched to prevent them being played.

What all these films or plays had in common was that they made me look backwards. All this looking backwards created some perspective for me on where we are at in South Africa today. We still live in a most imperfect society but many things have changed for the better since the 50’s, 70’s and 80’s.

Occasionally looking backwards allows us to measure how far we have come, it encourages us that we are making progress and it inspires us to keep on moving forwards towards our goal.

In your own life have you been working towards something for quite awhile? Does it feel like you are always striving but perhaps not getting there?

Take a moment, look back, see how far you have come. Recognise your achievement. And then look ahead and move on.

The Right Timing

A client in a senior management position recently came to me for a couple of sessions after being over looked for a promotion. Her boss told her that although she was highly qualified and did very good work, she “didn’t make her presence felt” in meetings or workshops, so no one noticed her.

This client made excellent progress over her three sessions. In fact between her initial phone call to me and her first appointment, she had already experimented with speaking up in a meeting. She was so surprised that she could do it and at how well she was received!

After experiencing the fulfilment of being more involved and recognised, she said she wished she had come to see me years ago. I replied, “That may have been good but you also may not have been ready to make the small but necessary changes in yourself. We all grow when the timing is right.”

A couple of days ago a 20 year old, contemplating a choice between continuing their current studies or changing institutions, told me “staying where I am is safe, but I am feeling it is time for another big jump.” A lot of young people are more attuned than we perhaps were. They are ready to take brave leaps if we are supportive or simply get out of their way.

Have you experienced tackling a project where nothing seems to go right, no matter how hard you try? And perhaps you end up leaving it. Sometime later you pick it up and try again – and it all falls into place, almost effortlessly.

There are other times when the little clues tell you to do something but it feels scary and we argue ourselves out of it. If the plant doesn’t flower when the Spring conditions are just right, it may have to wait a full year to have another chance. Keep yourself open and alert to the opportunities and clues that come your way – people you meet, things you read, a word you hear. And when you feel that urge, be brave and go with it.

If we listen to our wisdom, whilst being open to opportunities, everything will happen, when it should – not too soon and not too late.

Living Life to the Full

My friend, Rob Filmer, died in November this year at the age of 46. Reading the many condolences sent to his wife, Julie and talking to people at the beautiful funeral service I was struck by the huge number of people who had been touched by Rob during that relatively short life. Tributes written on the internet by people such as Clem Sunter reminded me of Rob’s many achievements in the fields of conservation and of disability access and integration. I commented to Julie that Rob achieved in his 46 years more than many people do in a lifetime twice as long.

It set me to wondering why. Perhaps it would have been that way no matter what Rob’s health and life expectancy had been? Perhaps it was also heightened by his knowing that he was always on borrowed time?

Rob was diagnosed with diabetes before he turned two. The doctors thought he would be fortunate to reach his twenties. In his late twenties he and Julie married with the doctors saying he only had a year to live. Together they enjoyed seventeen special years living and working together.

We all know that we have a limited life span but we don’t often pay too much attention. There is an old coaching question that asks “What legacy would you like to leave behind?” or “What do you think your eulogy will be?” A friend, a little older than me, told me how she was sat at her brother’s funeral listening to his eulogy when she thought of what hers would sound like - and she didn’t like what she heard! It was such a defining moment for her that she resigned from her job and recreated herself completely.

This is a good time of year for us to focus on living our lives to the full. Without being morbid, focus on living your life in a way that would leave few regrets. Spend time on yourself so you are strong and can give of yourself to others, spend time with loved ones, either choose to enjoy the work you have or the life you live, or take action to bring about the changes you want to see.

Know Your Self

I haven’t written a Bumble Bee Insight for a couple of months. As I tell new subscribers, I only write them at irregular intervals and when something inspires me. Why is this? It’s a long standing rebellion against routine and predictability. Probably silly at my age but not something that I’m concerned to change.


In my last years at school I always hated going back after the holidays or a weekend. As an adult I tried to analyse why. I did very well at school, had friends, got on with the teachers, so there shouldn’t have been a reason to dislike it. Then it struck me, it only really started after I left Woodmead High and went to Hyde Park High. Woodmead had very different methodologies and a lot of freedom. Hyde Park was a good school but conventional. After having experienced being encouraged to be responsible and apply self leadership I disliked following someone else’s timetable, and rules that didn’t make sense.


In the “Take control of your life” workshop one of the little tricks we share is the value of having rituals or habits. Think how easy brushing your teeth is, because you do it by rote every day. For myself I create little routines, such as doing my back stretches every morning. It works very well for some time – and then it just gets too predictable and I have to change it!


The irony is that I am a very organised person who inherently brings order to chaos wherever I am – but to be happy I need to do this within an environment of variety and change! Having come to these (and other) understandings of myself, allows me to know and use my strengths whilst being joyful. Have you found your strengths? Are you experiencing joy in your home and work life?

Fitting it all in

Emma Thompson (writer, actress) shared her view on balancing career, family and hobby in an interview on channel24 today. Her answer is so pragmatic - I just loved it.

She was asked “How to balance your career and being a mother with your activism? You’re involved with a number of campaigns, supporting refugees and the opposition to a third runway at Heathrow Airport.”

She replied “Well I just try and parcel it out and say ‘what can I manage in this month…’ Like if I’ve got a deadline or I know, for instance, this month I’ll be away a lot because I’m promoting Nanny McPhee and I’m also taking the family on holiday, so I say ‘what can I achieve?’ and then cut my cloth accordingly. It’s just a bit of a balancing act really and unfortunately it does mean that I say ‘no’ a lot. But you know, I hit my 50th last year and you think to yourself ‘I have to choose very carefully what I do and make sure that it’s important..’ (read the entire interview here)

That last sentence ‘I have to choose very carefully what I do and make sure that it’s important..’ sums up the key to taking control of your life so succinctly. Now all you have to do is put it into practice :-).

1. Let go of the expectation that you need to do everything
2. Identify your values and your priorities
3. Generate personal energy (increases capacity)
4. Develop ritual habits (increases capacity)
5. Simplify your life
6. Learn to say “no”
7. Work from quadrant two – important, not yet urgent
8. Plan your week and your day (max 3 – 6 priorities per day)
9. Use your time efficiently
10. Be in the moment

Have fun

If you want more help with this come along to one of our workshops “Take control of your life” or “Help, I’m a yes-addict”. There is one this Saturday and the other next week Saturday.

Believe in your ability

I just came across this quote from Obama. This is precisely what I was talking about in the previous post.

People make change. The leader inspires and focuses the efforts.

"I'm asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. I'm asking you to believe in yours." ~ Barack Obama ~

Adjusting to Less Power

It’s just after 8 am and I still have power so I can pretty comfortably expect to be okay for the next two hours.

A few weeks ago I had a “to do” list that I slotted in between appointments. Now I have a “to do” list that’s marked “PC”, “phone” or “think”. Next to all “phone” tasks are the numbers. When the power goes off I do “phone” and “think”. “PC” work is measured in two hour blocks!

What does this indicate? Adjustment to change - sudden, externally imposed change.
It hasn’t been comfortable and it still isn’t, but it’s getting much easier.

Human beings don’t enjoy too much change and we especially don’t enjoy sudden change, and change on which we haven’t been consulted!
The initial response is usually anger, resistance, denial. If the change doesn’t back off then we eventually realise we can’t keep banging our heads against a brick wall and we begin to make adjustments - to look for the most positive way forward.

If we look back on other changes that we have been through – starting school, finishing school, having children, using fax machines and computers, cell phones, e-mail, internet, petrol rationing in the 70’s, water shortages in the 80’s ... we see that life moved on, we got used to it and we have to think hard to remember how it used to be.

I in no way condone Eskom and the Governments’ lack of planning, action, leadership and communication. But I need to accept the reality of limited power for the near to mid term and adjust myself to best manage the situation and continue to enjoy my life.

Leo and myself have made a few changes at home and in our patterns and are planning others. I thought to share them with you.

o Battery powered clocks
o Charging my cell phone more frequently
o Keeping a spare cell phone battery charged
o Getting a car charger attachment
o Ordering a laptop
o Not procrastinating when the power is on
o Solar powered battery & inverter so I can choose to run some things
o Choosing my driving routes so as to cross the main roads rather than drive along them
o Allowing more time between appointments
o Listening to educational or thought provoking CD’s in the car
o Keeping a book in the cubbyhole for other waiting periods
o Sitting outside to do things in the early evening – there is plenty of light out there
o Exercising, meditating, reading when the powers down
o Permanently placing candles and oil lamps around the house
o Having a gas appliance handy for cooking
o A cheap LED, stick on, battery powered light above the hob to see what I am cooking

If you have some suggestions of your own to reduce reliance on electricity or ease our lives please post them here, to help us all get creative.

Making a Change

In today’s Insights from the Hive, my thoughts on New Years resolutions and practical steps for making change.

A week ago I was invited to be a guest on Radio 702’s Saturday health and wellness slot. However I only received the message very late so when I replied the producer had already found another guest.The topic was New Year resolutions. I wasn’t crazy about the topic as I don’t believe in them.

I listened with interest the next morning to the two psychologists on the programme. Neither of them seemed to be that keen on New Year resolutions either, so the show turned to “how to make that change you have been wanting to make but just couldn’t”. I thought that was much more useful to the listeners.

Having said that, one of the biggest decisions that I made in my life, was made within the first two weeks of a new year. However it took more than two years of separation, a new year and the turn of the millennium to bring me to that point!

We can choose to change at anytime of the year. But it will only happen when we are ready. If we are changing because of a negative situation the heat has to be great enough to make us move. If the reason is more positive we have to be sufficiently excited about the new vision to overcome the inertia of staying put.

If you want to change something it must be because YOU want it; not your family, friends or because of any perceived view from society - not because you think you should.

When you are ready to change you may be scared to death, but you will feel somewhere inside that “now is the time” or “enough is enough”.

Then what do you do?
1. Paint a vision of what it will look like when the change has taken place. Put this, in words or pictures, down on paper – this is important – it is not enough to have it in your head. eg vibey office, R30K month salary, great view from window, variety in each day, love my boss, interesting clients…

2. Write down what things have to happen for the change. Eliminate anything that is not in your control – your change is your change, not dependant on someone else doing, thinking or feeling something. eg update my CV, read book on xxxx, practise yyyy skill, brainstorm my needs and possible jobs, apply to agencies, check Wed paper for ads, mail everyone I know to let them know what I am looking for…

3. If the order of happenings is relevant put them into order and start examining the first one. If order is not relevant pick the one that is the easiest to achieve a quick win on.

4. If the chosen task is large break it down into smaller bite size chunks – the idea is to set yourself up for as much success as possible to help make it easier to get started and build some momentum.

5. If you feel you can’t do whatever that task requires break it down into why and tackle the whys as small tasks of their own. Remember “it can be done”.

6. Pull in an encouraging friend or a professional to give you support along the way and help you be accountable to yourself.

7. Write up positive, present tense statements for yourself eg I have a fulfilling job in a great environment which pays me more money than my monthly expenses. (an affirmation)

8. Work through all that is required bit by bit until you reach your goal – keep your eye on the prize - don’t give up.

Somebody else is always doing what someone said could not be done. (Unknown)

Take daily action:
- See, feel, hear, taste your end result (the one you put on paper in the beginning).

- Read your affirmations.

- Do something towards one of your required tasks every day.

- Respond immediately to any positive feedback you receive. (someone tells you of a possible lead - call them immediately; you meet someone in the field you have been thinking about – it maybe a sign that you are on the right track)

Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid.
Dorothea Brande (American writer)