Looking backwards

We frequently hear that we need to have a vision, that we should look ahead, keep our eye on the goal. But some years ago a wise person told me that we also have to look backwards.

Why look backwards?

Imagine you were sailing from Durban to Mauritius. That takes a few days on a cruise liner. As you leave Durban all you see in front of you is blue ocean. As you look forwards towards your goal of Mauritius it looks as though you are standing still. But if you look back towards Durban it is easy to see how first the harbour and then the Durban coastline gradually becomes smaller and smaller as you move away.

An occasional look backwards is important when the vision is a long distance one, when the goal takes a while to reach.

Many of us find ourselves in the middle of a change process. Perhaps our company is making changes yet again. Or maybe we are going through a transition in our own lives. Sometimes it feels as though we will never get to the end, that we will be in a permanent state of flux. It can be hard to stay motivated when the end looks far away. Looking back to see where we have come from allows a fresh perspective.

Last year I saw a performance of Athol Fugard’s “Master Harold and the Boys”. In this play set in 1950 Port Elizabeth, we see racism and bigotry play out in the interaction between a young boy and his mother’s employees. It reminded me of growing up in South Africa in the 70’s. It contrasted starkly with how I, my friends and my colleagues interact with people of all races nowadays.

As we left the theatre there was a family ahead of us with teenage daughters. I overheard them talking to their father. They were saying it was just a play and no one would have said those things in real life. Their father was trying to explain the realities of apartheid in that South Africa. He could look back and see a change. They only know the ‘new South Africa’.

This year I saw Bailey Snyman’s dance play “Moffie” which highlights the attitude to homosexuals in the SADF of the early 80’s. This coincided with the time most of my friends did their national service. Whilst there is still prejudice in 2012 we now have legal same sex marriages and much of society is more accepting of sexual preference.

And then a couple of weeks ago we went to a screening of “Searching for Sugar Man”, the film about Rodriguez (well worth seeing). As a teenager I remember listening over and over to my sister’s Cold Fact album and singing along to “I wonder”. The film flashes back to Cape Town in the late 70’s, showing its natural beauty, but also the obvious signs of apartheid like the “nie blanke” signs. There are also a few old news clips of protests and an SABC employee shows how the banned tracks on the LP were scratched to prevent them being played.

What all these films or plays had in common was that they made me look backwards. All this looking backwards created some perspective for me on where we are at in South Africa today. We still live in a most imperfect society but many things have changed for the better since the 50’s, 70’s and 80’s.

Occasionally looking backwards allows us to measure how far we have come, it encourages us that we are making progress and it inspires us to keep on moving forwards towards our goal.

In your own life have you been working towards something for quite awhile? Does it feel like you are always striving but perhaps not getting there?

Take a moment, look back, see how far you have come. Recognise your achievement. And then look ahead and move on.

Flexibility

A bit of recent good news made me think how easily the outcome could have been different.
 

A little over a year ago, a young 16 year old enthusiastically participated in pre season rugby training hoping to make the First team. But he wasn’t selected for the squad. This squad would later become the first and second teams for the season.

He was disappointed, but after a couple of days he asked the coach if he could please continue to train with the squad for the experience alone.

When the season began he was placed in the 3^rd team. After a few games a player in the Seconds was unfortunately injured. Our young player got an opportunity to take his place for the rest of the season.

This year he did make the cut for the first squad and was selected for the Firsts.

And just last week, the now 17 year old, was announced as Vice Captain for the Golden Lions Craven Week team (provincial school age rugby).

I wonder if he’d have got this far if he hadn’t pushed for the extra training a year before?

And one more quick story.

A second year dance student had her heart set on performing at the Grahamstown National Arts Festival last year. However she wasn’t cast in any of the three pieces. All those not in the cast were told they could still attend rehearsals if they wished, and a few chose to do so.

Our young dancer worked at all the dances, hoping to be an understudy. When the final touring cast, including understudies, was announced she wasn’t in it.

However she continued to attend rehearsals. A couple of weeks before the Festival one of the cast members pulled out and the young dancer was asked to take her place.

In the new Dance Season, which followed the tour, she got to perform not only the touring pieces but all the new ones as well.

How different would the year have been if she had given up after the first setback?

 

Most of us have experienced obstacles on the way to a goal. When that happens do you only see one blocked path? Do you give up?

Sometimes we need to be like the young people in the stories above - creative, flexible, give a bit more of ourselves without a guarantee of reward. And perhaps we can still reach that goal, all be it along a different path.

Don't give up on the child with poor marks

Parent's Evening during the early grades always went the same way. "Your son is mischievous, he isn't working to his potential. But he is such a delightful boy. I love teaching him."

In Gr 3 his teacher said there could be a problem with his reading. As an ex optometrist I knew quite a bit about child development and perceptual problems. I took him to various professionals to check vision, hearing etc. and for extra reading lessons. An OT offered some hope. She said his right and left brain weren't connecting well. But as he was already good at judo, swimming and gymnastics she struggled to find any activities that brought about more integration.

By early Gr 5 his marks were on a slippery slide downhill. We had a meeting with his teachers but they said we expected too much of him. "He isn't like his older sister. He just needs to apply himself a bit better. He'll end up a fair 60 percenter." I knew that wasn't true. He was sometimes quite brilliant.

We wanted him to change schools and he wanted to stay. So we said it was up to him to turn his marks around.

Then we stumbled across a person who could assess his brain dominance profile. The profile showed us the strange way in which he processed information and that when stressed his brain "closed down" - information couldn't go in or out. The practitioner was able to show him that he wasn't stupid. He needed to do things like using colours, sitting where he couldn't be distracted easily and having a ball of prestick handy to fiddle with. He also had some Tomatis therapy to stimulate the brain integration.

From this point onwards his self confidence began recovering, he learnt ways to calm himself and to work with, instead of against, his own style. He was also lucky to have a couple of terrific subject teachers the following year. His marks picked up and by the end of Gr 7 he won the award for top Technology student.

One of those terrific teachers was an ex headmaster with many years of experience. At prize giving I went to thank him. He said "Your son still hasn't reached his real potential. Just wait. He will come into his own in Gr 11/12."

This year he is in Gr 11 working towards a fully academic matric. Today the first term reports were issued. His results - two A's and an A+ and two more A's knocking at the door!


An update from 2021: This boy is now a young man with an honours degree plus a further post grad qualification earned cum laude. He is a leader, a sportsman, enjoys good social relationships, is moving into his second career and truly lives his life.

Focus and Perseverance

My 15 year old son just called to say he has been awarded a team blazer for athletics. At his school this is a huge honour, especially for grade 10's.

He has the most amazing ability to make up his mind to do something and then to keep working steadily towards it.

Athletics has never been his main sport but before this season began he determined that if he worked hard at his times he had the possibility of earning the cherished team blazer.

He learnt to hurdle for the first time and immediately made the 300m distance his with a silver placing - competing against under 19's as this is only a senior's race. He did his best for the team with the 100m hurdles, inspiring others to improve themselves and so take over from him in this less suited distance. And he put his heart into the 400m flat race, steadily increasing his speed until getting within .06s of the school record.

Throughout the season he struggled with the pain of shin splints from a combination of high training levels and some poor structuring in his own body which required physio and additional rehabilitative exercises. Because he wasn't a senior he sometimes had to give up his place in the 300m hurdles to an older but slower athlete. Throughout the disappointments and the pain and the hard work he never lost sight of the goal - without hurting anyone else he just kept at it.

I am humbled by his focus and perseverance. The recognition is well deserved.