I know many
people who are highly successful at work or in business, essentially because
they get on with pretty much everyone. When I see children at school who are at
ease with their peers and with their teachers I think “they have a bright
future ahead of them.” And when I meet very smart people who can’t relate to
others I am sad that they may well struggle to succeed and their potential
could be wasted.
One of the
quadrants of the Leader Management Framework is People Connection. Without this
connection a leader manager may well produce some results, but the staff will
never work as effectively as they would have if the people connection was
there.
There are many
aspects to connecting with people. Some important ones are building trust,
communicating effectively and valuing people. At a more basic level we need to
understand people and that starts with understanding ourselves.
I have
been working with a couple, whose already poor relationship has been
severely strained by changed circumstances. They have been married for about
thirty years and yet they have no understanding of each other’s different
personality, different needs and different communication styles. Until they
improve their understanding and acceptance of each other they can’t move
forward.
Some of us are
lucky and have somehow done that unconsciously. What can the rest of us do? Observe
and learn, with a little help from books, talks or workshops.
Start by
understanding your own behaviour, reactions and needs better. Become an
observer of yourself. Notice what you do and how you feel, and ask yourself
why.
And then do
the same with those around you. Notice how people respond to you and to other
people, and think about why. Adjust your behaviour towards them (whilst
remaining authentic) and see if you get different responses.
Try to
recognise their needs, and if appropriate meet that need. What response do you
get?
There are many
excellent, easy to read books which can increase your understanding. There is a list on my website (“Personality Plus”, in particular, is a very
funny read).
Or you can
learn in a much more informal environment. Watching movies or live shows, and
reading novels, are great fun ways to study human dynamics - as most of them
are all about people!