Love Language - Acts of Service

Last Sunday morning after breakfast, I heard intermittent noises from outside on the driveway – metal clanging on paving. Having got myself ready to go and fetch my son from a rugby camp I met my husband in the doorway. He had just finished rotating the tyres on my car.



I was surprised as I hadn’t asked him to. He had commented the day before that the front tyres were wearing a little and I’d thought “mental note for to-do list - get tyres sorted”. I thanked him and set off.


As I drove along I thought “Gee, that was so nice of him…. It was thoughtful of him to check them for me (as I rarely remember to look)….. He really cares enough to do all that work, on a hot day, to rotate them……”


When I got back I said thank you again and explained how really touched I was. I can’t recall anyone ever doing that unasked before. And having done it myself, many years ago, I know what a hassle it is.


There are two things that he often volunteers to do specifically because he knows I don’t like doing them - washing the lettuce for salad and putting my car away in the garage.

All these things are acts of service, according to Gary Chapman the author of the Five Love Languages series.


Gary teaches that there are five ways in which we express love:
 Words of affirmation – thank you, you are special, well done, …..
 Physical touch – hug, massage, tickling ….
 Quality time – time doing what they want to do with them ….
 Acts of service - freely helping in anyway…..
 Gifts – large or small…..

One of these is our primary language which is the most important to have fulfilled. Thereafter we can appreciate any of the others.


My primary language is physical touch but I now realise that acts of service comes a close second. My husband's is quality time - the one thing that I find the most difficult to fulfil as I am always on the go.


Years ago when I learnt about the five love languages, identified his, and started making more time to be with him, focussed on him/us I saw him and our relationship blossom before my eyes.


Over the years making time has become easier, more of a natural habit and good for me. It is part of how I began exploring the ability to just ‘be’.

What is your primary love language?
What is your partner’s and each of your children’s language?
What about your parents, siblings and friends?
What can you do to fill their primary love tank?
Have you shared yours with your partner?


A lovely piece of relationship advice from Zig Ziglar ‘s Little Book of Big Quotes
“Your mate doesn’t live by bread alone; he or she needs to be “buttered up” from time to time.”

Here is a link to a quick, fun assessment of your own love language.


Originally written as a BBI in March 2008 - links updated