A Life in Balance?

Three years ago on the 27th December Lynn’s car veered off the highway, took flight, crashed through a signboard and landed in a crumpled heap on the grass bank. Lynn* sustained some physical injuries as well as a severe head injury. She has just received her final medico-legal report stating that she will never be able to work again, whether full or part time.



Lynn is one of the people I work with through Headway. Over the years she has spoken about returning to her previous employment. When she told me about the report I thought she was unhappy. But the report wasn’t the cause of her mood. She was feeling down because she can’t afford to host a Xmas dinner for her family. Lynn then went on to say, “I am happy not working. I am enjoying my life. Before the accident I put work before everything else in my life. Even if a friend from out of town came to stay with me I would first take time to finish off work on my laptop. Now I belong to a bible study group, I read and I talk to my neighbours. I thank God that he stopped me, took me back to being like a 7 year old and gave me the chance to rebuild myself differently.”


Perhaps Lynn is right. Her life was way out of balance and it needed the accident to bring about change. If so it was a drastic way of doing it.


Is your balance between ‘me’ time, ‘us’ time and ‘work’ time appropriate for this stage of your life?


Do you have opportunities for creative activities – tinkering with a motor bike, making a funny face out of twigs and leaves, laying the table with a special touch?


Do you make time for physical exertion – a walk, stretches, a horse ride or squash game?


Is there soul food in your life – things that makes you feel uplifted, energized, full and happy inside?


Are there little times in the day when you empty your mind of “doing stuff” and get in touch with the real you?


Do you laugh often – with friends, reading or watching a movie?


When you include these things in your life you reenergise yourself.


Have you wondered how some people have much more energy than others? The energetic ones have found the way to harness their physical, mental, spiritual and emotional energies. They ensure that each one gets enough exercise plus a little extra, a short break and then more exercise - interval training to generate more energy.


A year end is a great time to reflect on our lives.


A great opportunity to make choices, to make changes.


Build into your day little 5, 10, 15 minute pockets of time for the things you need to do to give all four ‘muscles’ their exercise. Maybe 5 minutes sitting on the stoep watching the sky lighten and listening to the birds before work, 10 minutes walking up and down a few flights of stairs with a colleague at mid morning, 20 minutes reading a book whilst eating a salad at lunchtime, 5 minutes of desk stretches in the afternoon, a quick call to a friend on your way home (use a hands free) and then invite your teenager to walk the dog with you.


Take control of your life. Plan it and live it the way you wish to.


(*Name changed to protect privacy)

Originally written as a BBI in Dec 2007

An accident? Or intentional action?

Yesterday I was at a conference all day so only heard about the train "accident" in Blackheath on the radio whilst driving back.
Today I have read a number of articles about it on News24. If they have their information correct the taxi driver overtook a number of cars, drove on the wrong side of the road and ignored the barrier at the crossing.
This isn't an accident! It is reckless behaviour with a very high possibility of endangering self and others - which tragically is exactly what happened.

My children sometimes do something like place their glass on the floor while watching TV and then knock it over. They would often then say "Sorry, it was an accident." My response would be "No it isn't. An accident is bumping the glass when it is in the middle of a table. When you put the glass on the floor you made it highly likely that it would get knocked over by you or someone else."

We are far too quick to speak about things being accidental these days. If a young child walks into the road in front of a car it is an accident (and a lack of responsibility on the part of their caregiver). If an adult walks into the road, it is reckless and asking to get knocked over.

If we have the knowledge or experience to know the negative consequences of an action then we are responsible for those consequences, if we continue to take the action. It is not an accident.

This may sound like semantics but I think that at a deeper level we are constantly reducing personal responsibility by referring to bad consequences, that could have been avoided, as accidents.

Music for the soul

I stumbled across this most unusual TED video this morning and played it in the background. What a beautiful interlude.

Natalie Merchant is a free spirit. Listen to the end to see how an artist who is so comfortable with herself handles a techie audience.

Natalie Merchant sings old poems to life

Searching for purpose, happiness, meaning ...

Exclusive Books has just published their list of the 110 best selling books for 2008.

The top four are all books about searching - searching for happiness, purpose, meaning, self fulfillment, abundance. They are all books in some way related to self development and to either finding what you want within the life you already have or turning that life upside down to create a new one that has more meaning or fulfillment.

Then The Shack, Kite Runner and Shantaram are in the next five - all books that call the reader to think, reflect on their lives and on the human race.


Ten years ago this list would have looked very different. It is not just that these books are being written. It's that there is a need for them. An audience just waiting to buy and embrace them. Wanting to be challenged to think beyond the basics of getting up, going to work, eating supper and going to sleep.

Not one of the top ten in the list is a true novel. Those that are labelled fiction, are all in fact based on true experiences.

What is it about the new millenium that has awakened so many more people? Is it the age of aquarius - the searching for knowledge? A universal consciousness?

I don't know, but I am so pleased. My purpose is to be a facilitator for people wanting to be the best they can be. And to help people understand themselves and others so as to work together in productive harmony. There are now so many more opportunities for me to walk alongside those whose journey touches mine.

Here is the top 10 list

1. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Elizabeth Gilbert
2. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose Eckhart Tolle
3. The Secret Rhonda Byrne
4. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari Robin S. Sharma
5. Spud John van de Ruit
6. The Shack William P. Young
7. The Kite Runner Khaled Hosseini
8. In Black and White: The Jake White Story Jake White & Craig Ray
9. Shantaram Gregory David Roberts
10. After the Party Andrew Feinstein

To view the rest of the list go to http://www.exclusivebooks.com/features/2008top100.php

The Violinist

Welcome back to Insights from the Hive. I hope you found tons of enjoyment over the festive season.

When I received the following true story, from a friend yesterday, I found it very thought provoking; a good way to start off this new year. (I have added a little more info that I found on the internet.)

My theme for this year is doing something differently. For all of us some things worked well for us in 2008 and some didn’t. To move forward in our personal lives as well as our businesses or jobs we need to do at least one thing differently. What are you going to do differently in 2009?

A Violinist in the Metro

It was a cold January morning in 2007. A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and began to play a violin. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, over a thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money down and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, a man leaned against the wall to listen but then looked at his watch and started to walk on again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tried to hurry him along but the child stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time.
This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 7 people stopped to listen to him and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32.
When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded. There was no recognition.

The incognito violinist in the baseball cap was in fact Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played some of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a 300 year old Stradivarius violin.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theatre in Boston and the seats averaged $100. During the nearly 45 minutes he played in the subway only one person had recognised him. That person gave a $20 tip.

This was an experiment organized by columnist Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.
The question was: In a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour
Do we perceive beauty?
Do we stop to appreciate it?
Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Does the value change if we place a higher price on accessing it? (Business owners think about perceived value of your product or service).

Wishing you all a very special 2009. One in which you make time for self, for special moments with loved ones, for gratitude for living and for the world around you.

The path to true happiness

Many religions have an important celebration in the last couple of month’s of the year – Christmas, Hanukkah, Loy Kruthong, Diwali and for followers of Islam it is Eid today. For those who aren’t religious, here in SA I think most celebrate Christmas in one form or another.

These festivities make it a time of happy celebration for some, sadness or stress for others.

Therefore when I received this little piece of prose from a friend, I thought it most appropriate for my last bumble bee insight of the year. Whether you love or dread these festivities you can, as the poem explains, find your own happiness and gift it to yourself.

The Path to True Happiness

What is the path to true happiness? How far must you go to find happiness?
You need not go very far at all. For happiness is always inside you, ready whenever you are.
No object, no person, no circumstance will make you happy. You are always happy when you decide to be.
The good things in life do not cause happiness. It is precisely the other way around.
Allow happiness to flow out from you, and the good things in life will surround you and fill your world. Choose to be happy, with no conditions imposed upon that happiness, and you'll create the ideal conditions for your life.
Happiness is a beautiful gift you can give yourself no matter what. Give it freely and it will change your world.

Wishing you all much happiness and good health over this festive season.

Healthy GI

Butter is bad for you. Butter’s better than margarine.

Red meat’s bad – eat soya. Most soya is genetically modified. You don’t know what problems that might cause.

Advice on what is or isn’t healthy to eat is highly confusing and contradictory. But there is one concept that makes good sense, is very easy to apply and is healthy for all of us. That is the glycaemic index, or GI for short.

Many things that we eat cause a release of glucose into the bloodstream. The pancreas then releases insulin to maintain balance. If a large amount of glucose is released the pancreas responds with a large amount of insulin. The result is an initial sugar high followed by a sugar low. This yo yo-ing can feel uncomfortable and is unhealthy in the long term.

The glycaemic index is a scientific measure of the rate at which a food releases glucose. A true Low GI food releases glucose slowly and steadily into the bloodstream without overstimulating the pancreas to produce too much insulin.

By using the GI concept we can maintain steady levels of blood glucose. If we combine that with low-fat foods then blood pressure, cholesterol and weight levels can all improve as well. The Heart Foundation of SA recommends it as a healthy, normal way of eating for the whole family.

Leo and I have eaten this way since the early 2000’s. We started because both of us often experienced low blood sugar episodes. Nowadays it is rare that we have that experience of a sugar low when you struggle to think clearly and concentrate, maybe sweat or just feel tired.

Last week when speaking to my homeopath he stated that we should all probably eat in this manner just for general good health.

Now you know what GI is and why using it is good for you, how do you do it?
The idea is to adjust your choice of food so as to eat more low GI and less high GI foods.

Finding low GI foods is quite simple. Just changing the brand you buy or the variant you use is often sufficient.

Here are a few examples –
When buying breakfast cereals or breads many of them tell you on the packaging if they are “low GI”. If not then slowly become familiar with what is. If it’s All Bran Flakes you want then buy Bokomo or Spar, if oats then buy Bokomo, Spar, Pick n Pay or Woolies brands. And the wholewheat variety of Pronutro as well as the multi grain version of Provita biscuits are both low GI. By the way the so called slimmer’s cereal of Special K is a high GI cereal. This means that you feel hungry again quite quickly after eating it. A bowl of Bokomo All Bran Flakes and some plain yoghurt will keep you satisfied for much longer.

Most white and brown rice is low GI and Basmati is intermediate. Pasta made from dhurum wheat is great and baby potatoes in their skins are both delicious as well as low on the GI scale.

Most fruits and vegetables are naturally low GI. And all meats, fish and chicken as well as eggs. Also the dairy protein sources like low fat milk, yoghurt or cheese.

How our bodies react to food depends on chemistry so combining foods correctly lowers the GI. Adding milk or strangely enough sugar to cereals lowers the GI so Strawberry pops have a lower reading than Rice Krispies. Another funny one is cooking and then allowing something to cool often lowers the GI. This works with pap and custard.

Generally the simple mixing of a high GI item with a low one will bring the value down to the average. In general combining protein with carbohydrate moderates the body’s response.

To get a more detailed understanding of the GI concept you can go to the website www.gifoundation.com. There is also a range of recipe books all containing low GI, low fat recipes. The first one was called Eating for Sustained Energy. All are coauthored by Gabi Steenkamp.

To sum up why it is beneficial to adjust one’s eating in this way. It helps one generally feel well with good energy levels and in the long run reduces one’s risk for lifestyle diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol.
And best of all it is really simple to get started and it easily becomes a normal way of life.

Kairos Time

Being a person who believes in synchronicity, it is no accident that the two banks I have banked with have now taken slogans that describe my approach to life.
“make things happen” and then “inspired, motivated, involved”

In 1976, before Soweto erupted in riots, I was a compliant and diligent 11 year old. Sport wasn’t my forte although I participated with great enthusiasm and lesser ball skills in the B netball team. However I was doing well in highland dancing.
My big escape was devouring books. All my life I have read anything that passes my way. At breakfast I would read the back of the cereal packets, everyday. If I visited someone in a block of flats I read the notice board whilst I waited for the lift.

It was now time to choose a high school. My parents applied for scholarships to a number of good schools and I wrote the exams and attended the interviews. The outcome was that I tied with another girl for the Kingsmead College Scholarship and was offered a bursary to attend Woodmead High School. The choice was mine. A very prestigious, all girls school or a small, radically different, co-ed school. I chose Woodmead and as the poet Robert Frost says “that has made all the difference”.

Kairos time is an opportune moment, or a time in between - in between what was and what will be. The Ancient Greeks used the word Kairos to describe a time when conditions are right for a crucial action.
Our lives are the accumulation of how we use our periods of kairos time. Each time we use one we put our lives onto a new path.
When I made my choice of high school, that was kairos time. It’s the first such kairos moment that I can recall in my life.

Woodmead encouraged and actively developed free thinking and questioning, self discipline and leadership. The school’s leaders were challenging invalid laws by being the first secular school to admit non white pupils. During the two years I was there I experienced real education rather than just schooling. The previously hidden rebellious side of me began to emerge. Thereafter I no longer accepted an adult’s superiority unquestioningly and I began to speak up for anything I felt strongly about. A boss of mine once wrote in my reference letter “Alison challenges management in a positive and polite way”. I thought he was being very kind!

In the mid 1980’s I began my first career, as an Optometrist. By 1995 I had changed from full time practise to doing locums, was married for the first time and had two young children. Regular part time work at one of Pretoria’s large practices led to another kairos moment.

I had always had an interest in IT and at this practise I had tweaked the data tables in their software. One afternoon I received a call from a man who introduced himself as Stephan from Capital Computers. He explained that his company was developing a new package for optometrists and needed an optom to help them understand the unique needs. The owners of the practice had recommended he speak to me. He asked me to go to their offices and spend two hours with the development team answering their questions. At the time I had a visitor from overseas so it wasn’t very convenient but I felt an upsurge of excitement inside and I arranged to meet them the day after. I remember going to my visitor, Mark and saying. “I think this could be my opportunity to get into the IT field”.

It turned out to be just that. I worked part time as an independent contractor for them for the next five years.

The action I took in my kairos time moved me from optometry into IT and management.
It showed me that I could do many things that I had not been formally trained for. That I could learn just about anything I set my mind to. It started me on a path that has so far also embraced four years in HR and transformation and three years on my own as a development tutor – growing people and growing businesses. By drawing on my understanding and knowledge of both human needs and business needs I help people and businesses to be as productive as possible whilst enjoying themselves.

Be aware of your own kairos time. Don’t let it slip by unnoticed.

Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty nest syndrome. It doesn’t just start when the children leave home, it starts much earlier. And for those who don’t have children what would your nest be like without your life partner? Or for those who are married to their jobs, what would your life be like without that job?

My children are still teenagers but because I separated, and later divorced, when they were small, and then they elected in later years to live with their Dad and are now both at boarding schools, I have had plenty of opportunity to suffer from empty nest syndrome already.

When I first separated I made myself make plans to fill the time when the children were away, doing things I enjoy. Thank goodness, I already had friendships, hobbies and interests. Thank goodness, I knew what was joyful to me.

When the children later began spending more weekday time at their father it was difficult and uncomfortable. I had to redefine my role as a mother, but it wasn’t my only role. I already had other activities and purpose that I could now focus more time on.

People often ask “Don’t you miss the children when they are away at school?” Yes, I do a little but I am already used to not being with them all the time. For the most part, I am just excited seeing them grow into amazing independent people. They are finding their own strengths, their own needs, and being challenged to live to their own values, which were first developed at home. They do this in a safe environment with the knowledge that Mom or Dad is only a phone call away.

Recently one of the Headway members told me that her husband, who has just sustained a brain injury, had still been working full time. Looking at the membership form, I enquired whether I had the age right, as he is in his seventies. She said “oh yes, he couldn’t retire because he has nothing else to do.”

We set ourselves up during our younger years for how we will cope later when the children leave home or we retire. We make choices as to how much we live our own lives or how much we define ourselves by others’ needs: our roles of parent, spouse, employee or business owner.

Do you define yourself in terms of your job?
Do you spend all your leisure time either serving your family or accompanying them on their choice of activity? What would you do if those roles were no longer required?

Do you know what brings you joy, regardless of external circumstances?
Do you enjoy your own company?
What interests or excites you, without depending on others?

When you live your life through your children you do them a disservice. The poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran says in The Prophet,

“…..And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

…..You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

The role of a parent is to prepare children for adulthood; for taking their place as contributing members of society, for living the life they were born to live.

And you were born to live your own life. Being a parent or life partner or employee is only one role in a life which has many simultaneous and consecutive roles. If you limit yourself to one role and that one goes away, the adjustment is huge. Adjustment will always be needed but the amount and the difficulty is reduced if your focus was more diverse to begin with.

We often forget our most important role – “Carer of Self”.
When we fulfil that role well we have a person with the capacity to fill many other roles superbly.

How do you insure against empty nest syndrome?

o Don’t lose sight of what is important to you,
of who you are as an individual,
of what you contribute to society.

o Keep up a variety of friendships

o Have a number of interests that bring meaning, enjoyment and fulfilment outside of family and work

o Make leisure time for yourself

Wishing you a day with “me” time in it.