Insights from the Hive

Solving a Problem or Wasting Resources?

2011-09-07T08:58:00.000+02:00

Minister Motsoaledi wants to ban alcohol advertising. His reason – to reduce violent crime fuelled by excessive drinking.

A solution needs to address a problem, right? Without checking the research I am pretty sure that there is enough to prove a strong correlation between excessive drinking and increased violence. However I am not sure that there is such a correlation between the advertising of alcohol and the excessive use of it.

One of the critical, but often ignored, skills of effective leadership is the ability to effectively solve problems. The Leader-Management Framework shows this involves four steps – acknowledge the problem, explore ways to treat the root cause, consider the consequences then take action.

Minister Motsoaledi has the first step right. He has acknowledged the violence and the connection to the abuse of alcohol. From here on he has a lot more work to do. Does banning advertising treat the root cause? If not what does? If you ban advertising what are the possible consequences? If you have a good solution it will have many positive consequences. Nevertheless you still need to see if they outweigh any negative ones.

Once you are sure you have the right solution to treat the root cause you take action. Motsoaledi has already jumped to step four with his announcement of the ban. The missing steps in between are crucial to effectively solving problems instead of wasting much time and money.

Making Energy

2011-07-21T21:26:00.000+02:00

Despite not liking the cold I am crazy enough to love going to Grahamstown, an even colder part of the country in June/July, for the National Arts Festival. This year was my third visit having first gone in 2004 (?) thinking I would then be able to tick it off my list. Instead I am becoming addicted!

We drove down stopping overnight in Middelburg. The next day driving through the Eastern Cape I found myself excited and energised both by the beauty of wide grasslands with fields of red flowers stretching up out of spiky aloes, as well as the prospect of great performances.

We have four sources of energy – physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. Each one is like a muscle. To make a muscle strong it needs enough movement (exercise) to really exert it, but not too much that it takes days to recover. If we utilise our four energy sources in this same way we make our own energy. The beauty of the Little Karoo is for me soul food and soul food is what makes spiritual energy. The excitement of being on holiday and anticipating the shows is emotional energy.

For four days we soaked up three to four shows a day – drama, comedy, dance, physical theatre, orchestral concerts and edutainment. Everything is within walking distance so with your pack on your back you feel like a student wandering this town of churches and schools. We saw amazing talent, laughed and cried. Sometimes walking from one venue to another we would see a sign for an art exhibition and stop in to take a look. Or with a longer gap go off to the Big Field at Rhodes to browse through the Craft Market (lovely leather belts). At night there is the Long Table for a meal with a difference and almost the guarantee that some interesting stranger will strike up a conversation. This year was no exception as we met a retired German couple living in Gouritzbaai spending ten days soaking up shows and interesting lectures. On their recommendation we went off to see another unusual drama after supper.

The walking was physical, the laughing and crying was emotional, some of the content gave food for thought – mental, and for me watching good performances is soul food – spiritual. It hadn’t been planned that way but I had found a way to re-energise myself through all dimensions.

For most of us the quickest ways to make energy are to look for physical and spiritual inputs. Do you have enough of these in your week? If not, make a commitment to just one movement activity to bring into your routine, and pay attention to the things that make your heart soar. When you find them give them regular space in your week.

If you have never been to the Festival and you have any interest in performing arts, visual arts, writing, quality talks or music do yourself a favour and make a plan to visit. Next year’s dates are 28 June to 8 July!

Don't give up on the child with poor marks

2011-03-25T21:46:00.000+02:00

Parent's Evening during the early grades always went the same way. "Your son is mischievous, he isn't working to his potential. But he is such a delightful boy. I love teaching him."

In Gr 3 his teacher said there could be a problem with his reading. As an ex optometrist I knew quite a bit about child development and perceptual problems. I took him to various professionals to check vision, hearing etc. and for extra reading lessons. An OT offered some hope. She said his right and left brain weren't connecting well. But as he was already good at judo, swimming and gymnastics she struggled to find any activities that brought about more integration.

By early Gr 5 his marks were on a slippery slide downhill. We had a meeting with his teachers but they said we expected too much of him. "He isn't like his older sister. He just needs to apply himself a bit better. He'll end up a fair 60 percenter." I knew that wasn't true. He was sometimes quite brilliant.

We wanted him to change schools and he wanted to stay. So we said it was up to him to turn his marks around.

Then we stumbled across a person who could assess his brain dominance profile. The profile showed us the strange way in which he processed information and that when stressed his brain "closed down" - information couldn't go in or out. The practitioner was able to show him that he wasn't stupid. He needed to do things like using colours, sitting where he couldn't be distracted easily and having a ball of prestick handy to fiddle with. He also had some Tomatis therapy to stimulate the brain integration.

From this point onwards his self confidence began recovering, he learnt ways to calm himself and to work with, instead of against, his own style. He was also lucky to have a couple of terrific subject teachers the following year. His marks picked up and by the end of Gr 7 he won the award for top Technology student.

One of those terrific teachers was an ex headmaster with many years of experience. At prize giving I went to thank him. He said "Your son still hasn't reached his real potential. Just wait. He will come into his own in Gr 11/12."

This year he is in Gr 11 working towards a fully academic matric. Today the first term reports were issued. His results - two A's and an A+ and two more A's knocking at the door!

GM's advert sends the wrong message

2011-02-12T17:30:00.000+02:00

The GM Red Tag advert is back on our TV screens.

Every year that it airs it annoys me. Why would I want to buy a car from a company who thinks it is impressive that their staff work extrememly long hours - hours that are so long that they forget what their daughter looks like or where things are kept in the kitchen?

Excessive working hours can lead to burn out. I have seen people who've burned out in this way. Their ability to handle work and stress after they "recover" is never what it was before.

It is also well known that working excessive hours damages home life. And people with problems at home become less productive at work.

So in the medium to long term allowing your staff to lose their work - life balance makes them far less productive and therefore possibly no longer of use to the company.

As someone who helps managers to work together with their staff to bring out the best in them, now and in the long term, it goes against the grain to buy a car from a company who sends the opposite message.

In a crisis you need that foundation

2011-02-08T19:38:00.000+02:00

On the Sunday evening after New Year my husband and I felt like a meal out. I am always looking for new places to try so had a list ready with three close to us. The first was closed for the festive season but we found the second open and buzzing with about half the tables occupied.

After placing our order we realised that the majority of those at the tables were in fact waiting for take away orders. They seemed to be getting quite agitated. My husband had a view into the kitchen and could see the manager, perspiring heavily, trying to get the orders flowing.

As time went on there were more and more complaints which were met with apologies and excuses of being busy. As the wait for food got longer the waiters disappeared, to avoid dealing with the conflict. We eventually received our order, out of the blue, an hour later. The Thai food was lovely but the evening hadn’t been a good one.

By this time things had quietened down, all the take away people had left and the seated diners had been served. The young manager came out from the kitchen and started visiting each of the remaining tables. We could hear the conversations as he got closer to us. He profusely apologised to each one explaining it was busy and he couldn’t be everywhere so had prioritised being in the kitchen.

When he got to us I thanked him for his apology and suggested he needed to find an experienced restaurant manager to help him get on track. I pointed out that in fact the restaurant wasn’t really full when things started to fall apart. Blaming it on a busy night was ignoring the true problem. There simply wasn’t the correct foundation in place to cope with a reasonable amount of business.

The key components of leader-management had not been put into place:
• Implement systems & processes – who does what, where, when and how - roles, responsibilities, skills & procedures
• Develop a strong work culture – we work together for a common purpose even when the going gets tough and without supervision
• Connect effectively with people – we are loyal & supportive, communicate well and are comfortable to use our initiative

Because the manager hadn’t created that foundation, when the “crisis” came he had no team, he was on his own. As an individual he was willing, polite, hard working, responsible. All great qualities. But as a manager he was lost.
Where does the blame lie? Is it the young manager’s fault? I don’t think so. The responsibility lies with the restaurant owner. He or she hired someone with a good attitude but without the necessary skills and experience. Now they need to bring in support to teach him. And after a bit of theory most of that teaching needs to be on the job mentoring – understanding how to translate theory into practise.

Do you have situations like this in your workplace? How can you make it more effective and profitable, and still have fun?

New labour laws disastrous

2011-01-26T14:11:00.000+02:00

There are four Labour Bills currently under discussion by the South African parliament. The proposals will considerably tighten the labour market and negatively impact on business and individuals in SA.

The main concern is supposed to be to protect the employees. However we already have legislation that more than adequately protects employees who wish to contribute effectively to the economy.

No matter how much legislation you have workers can still be abused so long as they are not in high demand. To explain further. A company requires a staff member to work longer hours than those legislated. If the person has to use legal channels to complain they may be able to force the employer to shorten their hours but the relationship will probably be harmed and the employer can retaliate in many legal ways. If however there were plenty of available jobs that this person was suitable for they could leave and go elsewhere. If this kept happening the company would probably amend the working hours in order to retain staff.

The focus needs to be on education and training so as to have a well skilled work force as well as creating an environment which allows for the creation of many jobs. With both in place we would have a good supply of skilled workers able to pick and choose their jobs. Employers would then be inclined to voluntarily abide by fair legislation.

Any changes made to labour legislation need to be those that make employing people easier and more appealing. The current proposed changes do the opposite.

Our economy strengthens when businesses are profitable and growing. This requires employees to be productive and effective. Creating employment that is virtually secure no matter whether the employee works well or not encourages laziness and creates a culture of doing the minimum. This sets up a cycle of weakening rather than strengthening the economy and job opportunities.

For more discussion and useful links to the acts see www.2bbusiness.co.za/2011/01/26/llabour-bills-summary-what-this-really-means-for-your-small-business/

Creating Energy

2010-12-20T21:43:00.001+02:00

Yes I remember the Law of Conservation of Energy - 'energy cannot be created or destroyed' - but we can create personal energy, or decrease our personal energy.

There are four types of energy – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. When we understand how to work with these four we can have more energy.

Each type needs to be exercised just like a muscle. To increase fitness an athlete uses interval training. Pushing themselves beyond the comfortable level and then taking a short break for recovery and then pushing again. Each of our energy types needs to be fully used (pushed) but also given breaks.

However we often under utilise some of our energy areas and over utilise others. Either way we cause ourselves to be unfit - lacking in personal energy.

If you have a low to average physical fitness level think how good you feel when you have made yourself do a small session at the gym or played a light game of squash or taken a brisk walk. You have used that physical energy system and you now feel better for it. However if you over do it you will feel depleted for the rest of the day.

Physical energy is found in any form of exercise and includes healthy eating; mental energy is all about thinking, using our brains; eEmotional energy is about experiencing emotional highs or lows and spiritual energy comes from anything which lifts the soul.

If you need more energy check which of your energy systems you are over stretching and try to give them some breaks. At the same time look to those that are being under utilised and put some focus into using them.

Generally it is easiest to build energy through the physical and spiritual systems. Physically do a bit more regular exercise than you normally do or for spiritual energy do anything that makes your soul sing - have a massage, sit and listen to a fountain or watch a bird building a nest. Or combine them and take a walk across a meadow!

What do you do to build your energy levels?

Living Life to the Full

2010-12-20T21:43:00.000+02:00

My friend, Rob Filmer, died in November this year at the age of 46. Reading the many condolences sent to his wife, Julie and talking to people at the beautiful funeral service I was struck by the huge number of people who had been touched by Rob during that relatively short life. Tributes written on the internet by people such as Clem Sunter reminded me of Rob’s many achievements in the fields of conservation and of disability access and integration. I commented to Julie that Rob achieved in his 46 years more than many people do in a lifetime twice as long.

It set me to wondering why. Perhaps it would have been that way no matter what Rob’s health and life expectancy had been? Perhaps it was also heightened by his knowing that he was always on borrowed time?

Rob was diagnosed with diabetes before he turned two. The doctors thought he would be fortunate to reach his twenties. In his late twenties he and Julie married with the doctors saying he only had a year to live. Together they enjoyed seventeen special years living and working together.

We all know that we have a limited life span but we don’t often pay too much attention. There is an old coaching question that asks “What legacy would you like to leave behind?” or “What do you think your eulogy will be?” A friend, a little older than me, told me how she was sat at her brother’s funeral listening to his eulogy when she thought of what hers would sound like - and she didn’t like what she heard! It was such a defining moment for her that she resigned from her job and recreated herself completely.

This is a good time of year for us to focus on living our lives to the full. Without being morbid, focus on living your life in a way that would leave few regrets. Spend time on yourself so you are strong and can give of yourself to others, spend time with loved ones, either choose to enjoy the work you have or the life you live, or take action to bring about the changes you want to see.

Let sheltered workshops help you

2010-12-10T13:10:00.001+02:00

I visited Forest Farm around 1999 to take a batch of wooden building blocks for sanding. A few of the parents had got involved in helping our children's nursery school to spruce things up. The paint was peeling from the building blocks so I took them home with the intention of sanding and then restaining in bright colours.

I soon found out how much time sanding takes on small items. So I looked around for another solution. Forest Farm turned out to be the perfect one. It has a well run sheltered workshop where the residents work to contribute to the cost of running the centre.

I dropped the blocks off, explained to the workshop manager what I needed done and a few days later, for a very reasonable fee all was done. When I went to collect the completed job I also took my children along which gave them the opportunity to mingle with the disabled workers - helping them to be comfortable around people with disability.

The nursery school got their blocks back looking like new and the people in the workshop had another piece of work to help them feel useful.

An article on Forest Farm in our local paper recently reminded me of this experience. It said "We get contracts from companies that need services such as assembly and packaging of light components, paper folding and envelope insertions, repair and hire of wheelchairs and other assistive devices. We are looking for more of this type of contract work."

If you sub contracted some of your work out to a local sheltered workshop would it free you up to be more productive?

Know Your Self

2010-10-21T10:44:00.000+02:00

I haven’t written a Bumble Bee Insight for a couple of months. As I tell new subscribers, I only write them at irregular intervals and when something inspires me. Why is this? It’s a long standing rebellion against routine and predictability. Probably silly at my age but not something that I’m concerned to change.

In my last years at school I always hated going back after the holidays or a weekend. As an adult I tried to analyse why. I did very well at school, had friends, got on with the teachers, so there shouldn’t have been a reason to dislike it. Then it struck me, it only really started after I left Woodmead High and went to Hyde Park High. Woodmead had very different methodologies and a lot of freedom. Hyde Park was a good school but conventional. After having experienced being encouraged to be responsible and apply self leadership I disliked following someone else’s timetable, and rules that didn’t make sense.

In the “Take control of your life” workshop one of the little tricks we share is the value of having rituals or habits. Think how easy brushing your teeth is, because you do it by rote every day. For myself I create little routines, such as doing my back stretches every morning. It works very well for some time – and then it just gets too predictable and I have to change it!

The irony is that I am a very organised person who inherently brings order to chaos wherever I am – but to be happy I need to do this within an environment of variety and change! Having come to these (and other) understandings of myself, allows me to know and use my strengths whilst being joyful. Have you found your strengths? Are you experiencing joy in your home and work life?

Focus and Perseverance

2010-09-23T12:57:00.000+02:00

My 15 year old son just called to say he has been awarded a team blazer for athletics. At his school this is a huge honour, especially for grade 10's.

He has the most amazing ability to make up his mind to do something and then to keep working steadily towards it.

Athletics has never been his main sport but before this season began he determined that if he worked hard at his times he had the possibility of earning the cherished team blazer.

He learnt to hurdle for the first time and immediately made the 300m distance his with a silver placing - competing against under 19's as this is only a senior's race. He did his best for the team with the 100m hurdles, inspiring others to improve themselves and so take over from him in this less suited distance. And he put his heart into the 400m flat race, steadily increasing his speed until getting within .06s of the school record.

Throughout the season he struggled with the pain of shin splints from a combination of high training levels and some poor structuring in his own body which required physio and additional rehabilitative exercises. Because he wasn't a senior he sometimes had to give up his place in the 300m hurdles to an older but slower athlete. Throughout the disappointments and the pain and the hard work he never lost sight of the goal - without hurting anyone else he just kept at it.

I am humbled by his focus and perseverance. The recognition is well deserved.

Choosing Subjects - To do or not to do...

2010-09-14T11:14:00.000+02:00

Should I take history or biology, accounting or geography? It is that time of the year when Grade 9 learners have to choose their subjects to study for the next three years. Not an easy decision. In some cases a wrong choice could become a big barrier later if applying for tertiary study.

It can be a difficult time both for the learner and for their parent. We want to guide them in the best possible way but we don’t always know what that is and we may unintentionally guide them in a direction that suits us better than the child.

I went through this exercise a few years ago with my daughter and last year again with my son. Different children, different schools, different talents and interests, different final subject choices, but the same process.

So I am going to share my thoughts on how to go about this. Firstly remember that, although it is a bit complicated, learners are allowed to change their minds during Gr. 10 and even Gr. 11 or 12, so there is a very narrow escape route. Secondly the first four subjects are pretty much set. Life Orientation is compulsory as well as two official languages and one of the mathematics. So unless you do more than the minimum seven subjects there are only three true free choices. And thirdly, although I said earlier that an incorrect choice could make tertiary studies difficult this is really only the case where mathematics or science/biology are required - think BSc, engineering, medicine...

Very few children are going to know in Gr.9 what they want to do after school. Even if they think they do there is a strong chance it will change. And if it doesn’t then it may only be their first career, as multiple career lives are becoming much more the norm. Please don’t put your child under any pressure to make career decisions at this stage of their lives.

If your child has already decided what subjects they want to do then you only need to check the list for suitability – jump to ***.

If not, start here, together with your son/daughter (part 1):

• make a list of the subject choices available at the school outside of the compulsory ones mentioned above

• eliminate any subject really disliked or in which pass marks have not previously been achievable

• from the remaining ones your child needs to ask, which do I like the most? (or dislike the least )

• from those chosen as favourites double check that there is understanding of what that subject entails eg does it involve both practical and theory papers (Art & Drama), have they spoken to older learners studying it and/or teachers?

You should now have three or more hot favourites.

***At this point you need to check whether these allow for the possible career paths that your child may choose (part 2).

Take a big piece of paper and write down keywords that encompass your child’s answers to the following questions:

• what is important to you (could be things, values, circumstances…)?

• what makes you feel excited/happy/energetic/warm inside?

• what are you doing when time either seems to fly by or you forget about time completely?

• what have others commented you are good at (could be actions or behaviours)?

• what else have you thought you are good at?

These answers should give some broad ideas of the career areas they may take an interest in. For some this could be quite narrow and for others very varied. Please do not try to limit or narrow it down.

Look at the subjects already selected in the first part and check if they support the general ideas coming out of the second part.

Look at the general areas in part 2 and see if they would obviously require a subject which has not already been selected in part 1. Two of the key subjects in this regard are physical science and life science (the old biology). If so consider adding that subject back in.

By now you should have found your child’s three most popular subjects that have relevance to their possible broad career interests.

To return to the compulsory subjects. As far as languages are concerned these are mostly a personal choice. In South Africa many courses do require English.

The only remaining choice is between mathematics and mathematical literacy. Mathematics is required for entry into many of the courses at tertiary institutions. Therefore choosing mathematical literacy instead should only be done after careful consideration. Think about

• does not having maths exclude the child from any course they are likely to want to study?

• can they cope with maths if they really work at it or have additional help?

I came across a simple little book written by Norma Colley called “Choose the correct school subjects” (www.normacolley.info) which is a useful resource.

And lastly please share these wise words with your son/daughter.

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs – ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Harold Thurman Whitman

Republished for the benefit of parents of this year's Grade 9's

The Story of the Butterfly

2010-09-10T12:28:00.000+02:00

I often tell this story when working with people.
Many find it helps them to accept that others have their own growth paths to walk - that often we can best help our children, family, friends by being supportive and encouraging but NOT interfering.

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.

The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!

In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

Thanks to www.motivational-well-being.com for the written version.

An accident? Or intentional action?

2010-08-26T13:47:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I was at a conference all day so only heard about the train "accident" in Blackheath on the radio whilst driving back.
Today I have read a number of articles about it on News24. If they have their information correct the taxi driver overtook a number of cars, drove on the wrong side of the road and ignored the barrier at the crossing.
This isn't an accident! It is reckless behaviour with a very high possibility of endangering self and others - which tragically is exactly what happened.

My children sometimes do something like place their glass on the floor while watching TV and then knock it over. They would often then say "Sorry, it was an accident." My response would be "No it isn't. An accident is bumping the glass when it is in the middle of a table. When you put the glass on the floor you made it highly likely that it would get knocked over by you or someone else."

We are far too quick to speak about things being accidental these days. If a young child walks into the road in front of a car it is an accident (and a lack of responsibility on the part of their caregiver). If an adult walks into the road, it is reckless and asking to get knocked over.

If we have the knowledge or experience to know the negative consequences of an action then we are responsible for those consequences, if we continue to take the action. It is not an accident.

This may sound like semantics but I think that at a deeper level we are constantly reducing personal responsibility by referring to bad consequences, that could have been avoided, as accidents.

Hosting Your Life

2010-07-18T18:42:00.000+02:00

Part way through the World Cup it became evident that we were going to pull it off, despite the prior doubts we had had. We found we could do more than we thought we were capable of. I thought how similar that is to our personal lives. So often we don’t think we can manage something big or new but if we take the plunge, commit ourselves and get on with it, we are surprised at how well we do. (Apparently “waka waka” means “just do it” in Fang.)

There are many other parallels between observing South Africa host the SWC, and our own lives.

For six years detractors argued that a World Cup hosted here would be a disaster but FIFA and the LOC ignored them. When we follow our dreams there are always those that try to stop us – some are envious, some are trying to protect us – we need to believe in ourselves and make our dream happen regardless.

The World Cup took many years of preparation. We need to be patient and tackle our goals one step at a time whilst keeping an eye on where we want to end up. Eventually we will get there.

Many groups of people were involved in pulling off the World Cup. The LOC were only the coordinators. We can get further if we collaborate with others, let their strengths help us whilst we in turn help them.

Most of the things we worried about ahead of the World Cup – crime, lack of public transport, shortage of accommodation – weren’t a problem. In our lives we waste a lot of energy worrying about things but 96% of them never materialise or we can’t do anything about them anyway!

And then just when you think everything is running smoothly a curved ball hits you like the fiasco at King Shaka airport. And if it does just handle it, keep communicating, be prepared to sincerely say sorry and learn from the lesson. Looking back later it will just be a wobble in your path.

And how about reminding ourselves to stand strong against others who want to direct our lives according to their agenda. It’s a pity the government and the LOC didn’t stand up to FIFA. A pity they changed our laws to allow excessive “protection” for the official sponsors. A pity they let a non African record the official cup anthem. Wouldn’t a recording by Freshly Ground on their own, or maybe Jonny Clegg, have been so much more true to the first African World Cup?

But then even FIFA can’t control everything and Waving Flags became the song which I and many others will always associate with this 2010 World Cup. Some things in our lives “just are” and we help ourselves the most when we accept that and direct our energy into areas where we do have real control or influence.

Here is a lovely collection of slides with music, that bring back the wonderful vibe and emotions of the 2010 World Cup - African style. May they inspire you to go after the life you want, no matter what anyone says - ride out the hitches, stay focussed on the goal, accept what is beyond your control and take control of what is. Be the director of Your Life 2010.

Click here to download - takes a few minutes with acknowledgement to ChadM

Love Language - Acts of Service

2010-04-23T22:07:00.000+02:00

Last Sunday morning after breakfast, I heard intermittent noises from outside on the driveway – metal clanging on paving. Having got myself ready to go and fetch my son from a rugby camp I met my husband in the doorway. He had just finished rotating the tyres on my car.

I was surprised as I hadn’t asked him to. He had commented the day before that the front tyres were wearing a little and I’d thought “mental note for to-do list - get tyres sorted”. I thanked him and set off.

As I drove along I thought “Gee, that was so nice of him…. It was thoughtful of him to check them for me (as I rarely remember to look)….. He really cares enough to do all that work, on a hot day, to rotate them……”

When I got back I said thank you again and explained how really touched I was. I can’t recall anyone ever doing that unasked before. And having done it myself, many years ago, I know what a hassle it is.

There are two things that he often volunteers to do specifically because he knows I don’t like doing them - washing the lettuce for salad and putting my car away in the garage.

All these things are acts of service, according to Gary Chapman the author of the Five Love Languages series.

Gary teaches that there are five ways in which we express love:
 Words of affirmation – thank you, you are special, well done, …..
 Physical touch – hug, massage, tickling ….
 Quality time – time doing what they want to do with them ….
 Acts of service - freely helping in anyway…..
 Gifts – large or small…..

One of these is our primary language which is the most important to have fulfilled. Thereafter we can appreciate any of the others.

My primary language is physical touch but I now realise that acts of service comes a close second. My husband's is quality time - the one thing that I find the most difficult to fulfil as I am always on the go.

Years ago when I learnt about the five love languages, identified his, and started making more time to be with him, focussed on him/us I saw him and our relationship blossom before my eyes.

Over the years making time has become easier, more of a natural habit and good for me. It is part of how I began exploring the ability to just ‘be’.

What is your primary love language?
What is your partner’s and each of your children’s language?
What about your parents, siblings and friends?
What can you do to fill their primary love tank?
Have you shared yours with your partner?

A lovely piece of relationship advice from Zig Ziglar ‘s Little Book of Big Quotes
“Your mate doesn’t live by bread alone; he or she needs to be “buttered up” from time to time.”

Here is a link to a quick, fun assessment of your own love language.

Originally written as a BBI in March 2008 - links updated

Music for the soul

2010-04-12T07:02:00.000+02:00

I stumbled across this most unusual TED video this morning and played it in the background. What a beautiful interlude.

Natalie Merchant is a free spirit. Listen to the end to see how an artist who is so comfortable with herself handles a techie audience.

Natalie Merchant sings old poems to life

Team Effort

2010-04-10T18:36:00.000+02:00

I am sorting out my photos folder and doing some editing. I just came across these two photos from Xmas Day.

So what is their relevance other than perhaps making you hungry :-)

They just reminded me how great it is that my children are now teenagers.

This last Xmas we hosted lunch. After breakfast and opening of presents I was in the kitchen making the starters and main course accompaniments whilst my husband cooked a fillet on the braai, my 15 yr old son made gingerbread biscuits and my 18 yr old daughter assembled her dessert creation. It was the easiest, most enjoyable xmas meal I have ever prepared. So much more fun than doing it all myself. And for sure with more attention to presentation detail!

Opposite of a Palindrome

2010-04-09T17:41:00.001+02:00

PALINDROME (def): A word, line, verse, ... etc., reading the same backward as forward (So ... What is the opposite ?)

Now watch the video

Fitting it all in

2010-04-08T12:54:00.000+02:00

Emma Thompson (writer, actress) shared her view on balancing career, family and hobby in an interview on channel24 today. Her answer is so pragmatic - I just loved it.

She was asked “How to balance your career and being a mother with your activism? You’re involved with a number of campaigns, supporting refugees and the opposition to a third runway at Heathrow Airport.”

She replied “Well I just try and parcel it out and say ‘what can I manage in this month…’ Like if I’ve got a deadline or I know, for instance, this month I’ll be away a lot because I’m promoting Nanny McPhee and I’m also taking the family on holiday, so I say ‘what can I achieve?’ and then cut my cloth accordingly. It’s just a bit of a balancing act really and unfortunately it does mean that I say ‘no’ a lot. But you know, I hit my 50th last year and you think to yourself ‘I have to choose very carefully what I do and make sure that it’s important..’ (read the entire interview here)

That last sentence ‘I have to choose very carefully what I do and make sure that it’s important..’ sums up the key to taking control of your life so succinctly. Now all you have to do is put it into practice :-).

1. Let go of the expectation that you need to do everything
2. Identify your values and your priorities
3. Generate personal energy (increases capacity)
4. Develop ritual habits (increases capacity)
5. Simplify your life
6. Learn to say “no”
7. Work from quadrant two – important, not yet urgent
8. Plan your week and your day (max 3 – 6 priorities per day)
9. Use your time efficiently
10. Be in the moment

Have fun

If you want more help with this come along to one of our workshops “Take control of your life” or “Help, I’m a yes-addict”. There is one this Saturday and the other next week Saturday.

Hier kom kak

2010-04-04T10:26:00.002+02:00

“Hier kom kak” – my friend Luewellyn’s words greeted me as I opened my Facebook page. I looked to see what they referred to and was lead to the news 24 stories of Eugene Terreblanche’s murder.

I don’t often write on political matters but I was struck by the immediate fear that I felt for our country. And then how my mind jumped right back to 10 April 1993 - driving to the Vaal River on that Easter Saturday and hearing that Chris Hani had been assassinated.

My fear turned to possibilities for hope.
In April 1993 we thought “here come’s big trouble” but as a country we pulled through that. We can pull through this as well.

Afriforum and Solidarity have both called for calm - a most positive response. On the other side of the spectrum President Zuma has called for restraint. If Malema can keep his mouth shut, the ANC backs off from the court case challenging the banning of “kill the boer” and the leaders of Afriforum and Solidarity are influential enough to hold their members, we can weather this storm.

Sell Like a Doctor

2010-02-19T14:22:00.002+02:00

The best sales line in the world is this:

"Please confirm that I understand your business correctly..." [Depending on the type of business you are in, you can change the word "business" to something more pertinent like: requirements, situation, problem, etc.]

These are not my own words. They come from an e-mail written by Scott Cundill (http://www.majesticway.net/). I thought he was so on the money that I asked his permission to share this with acknowledgement.

I often find myself saying to clients "This is how I understand what you have told me. Please stop me if I am getting it wrong ...".

I am an optometrist by training so I know how to take a case history, diagnose and prescribe. I even believe that sales is about meeting a need. However I am not sure that I have really been following the method so I was greatful for Scott's reminder. I hope it helps some of you.

Scott continues
Never, ever begin a sale by blindly listing all the services you offer and then hoping like hell that the client just happens to want one of them. Does a doctor sit back and tell you all the treatments he can offer before he knows what's wrong with you? Of course not!

Think like a doctor!

Diagnose the situation by consulting with the patient, not selling to them. Get them talking about their business or issue - that's what they are passionate about!

• Don't start with an introduction about who you are and where you come from
• Don't use PowerPoint unless you absolutely have to (and only at the end)
• Don't demo a product until you know what problem it will fix!
• Listen, listen, listen... don't talk, talk, talk! (and coming from me, that's a BIG statement!)

Next time you meet with a prospect, try using this killer line. I guarantee you'll see a wonderful change!

A bit of opposition never hurt anybody

2010-01-21T14:42:00.000+02:00

I have just read the following quotation sent to me by http://www.cybernation.com/
A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites
rise against, not with, the wind. - John Neal

It got me thinking, as so many quotes do. Few of us talk about how easy things are; if things are moving along easily and smoothly we rarely mention it. But when things are challenging, when its not all going our way, when there is some opposition, we talk a lot. And that talk is usually in the form of complaints.

Talking is not a bad thing but if we can find benefits in the opposition we can “kill a few birds with one stone”. Complaining encourages us to think negatively which encourages a negative, self sustaining, reality. However if we search for the benefits in the struggle we start seeing the doughnut instead of the hole. If we do this often enough it becomes habit and we bring about a change of our own mind set. When our mind set changes to one of seeing the positives, we speak positively and our thoughts become positive thoughts. We then encourage a positive reality.

How many of you say “I work best under pressure” or “I always leave it to the last minute and then I get it done”? Not necessarily the best habit to have, but a reminder that opposition often helps us. An athlete rarely does their best time when they compete on their own or in a weak field. To achieve a personal best they need tough competition to help them find that extra ability and determination in themselves. We are athletes of daily life. A bit of opposition gives us the opportunity to find something special in ourselves.

Originally written in Dec 2007

Grow Through Speaking

2009-12-13T18:16:00.013+02:00

"we shall fight on the beaches,

we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender"

Those were powerful words. Words spoken by Winston Churchill in 1940. Words that pulled a nation together.

The words themselves are important but if they had been delivered differently would they have been effective? Would they have been remembered?

Imagine

Ghhh we shall UM fight on the beaches,
actually we shall fight on the landing grounds,
um um we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight you know in the hills;
and we shall I mean never surrender

It just doesn’t work, does it?

Being able to speak well is one of the most powerful life skills we can have.

Earlier this year I was at the elections for the new school governing body at King Edward VII school. A Mr Owusu was standing but he could not be at the meeting so he sent his 18 year old son to represent him. Owusu junior walked up to the lectern with confidence and clearly explained what his father could offer the school. He spoke well and with confidence. And he got his father elected.

Why? Because his speaking impressed us. Rightly or wrongly first impressions count and if you speak well the impression is that you are intelligent, capable, confident. And we assumed his father must be the same.

Speaking well opens doors of opportunity.

Where do we need to make good impressions ?- job interviews, dating, meeting new clients or the boss.

We all want something from our lives – it maybe money, position, good relationships, the opportunity to give. Certain skills and qualities make these easier to achieve. Apart from speaking what are some of the others?

Two big ones that come to mind are communication and confidence. Communication is not only speaking but listening as well.

We all feel quite confident about walking don’t we? Why? Because we know we have the skill to walk and because we have had positive experience of doing it. The same is true of gaining confidence in anything in life. Learn the basic skill and put it into practise. The more times it works the more confident you will feel.

Where do we learn these skills and gain this confidence? Well Owusu junior was in the school debating club and public speaking society . He was the deputy head boy of 2008 and he was the Mayor on the junior city council.

If we didn’t learn it at school what can we do?
We can join the local Toastmasters International club.

Toastmaster’s prepared speeches and table topics (impromptu speaking) are the debating society and public speaking club. Being on the committee is a chance to be the deputy head boy and being the area or divisional governor is being the junior mayor.

The TMI system has been designed to build the skills of communication and leadership and it gives people a safe space in which to practise so they have positive experiences and gain confidence. This then rubs off into other areas of their lives.

Many of us will rarely do prepared speaking in our daily lives but we all do much impromptu speaking. We introduce ourselves to people, we talk to clients, we talk to the manager or boss, we receive poor service from a company and we approach management to get it resolved or perhaps we get interviewed on the radio.

How do we develop impromptu speaking skills? Through prepared speaking. Think how say a tennis player becomes skilled at match play. They practise set shots over and over and then they practise them as a variety and then they use them as required in the game – spontaneously. The routine practise is used so that the skill is available for the spontaneous need.

The other half of TMI is leadership development.

In a business good leadership takes a company from good to great. But it is not only at work that we need leadership. Communities need leaders. Families need leaders. And we need to lead ourselves – organise ourselves, be punctual, take decisions, be accountable – so we can succeed for ourselves.

In Toastmasters this is learnt from the speaking projects and from the meeting roles.

When one puts leadership and communication together you can achieve most things.
You can inspire your team at work to put in a little more effort
you can help your teenager understand and enjoy their schoolwork
or you can persuade the bank to refund you the interest they over charged.

The TMI system is designed to give members the opportunity to develop these communication and leadership skills. But perhaps the greatest benefit of working the TMI system is the sense of achievement you feel for achieving your own personal goal. Whether that be to complete an Advanced Communicator gold or just to be able to stand up in front of people without your knees knocking. Or maybe it is to be the Club Secretary or the next District Governor.

So whether you want to inspire a nation or just your little girl; lead an army into battle or your team to an increased turnover; work the toastmaster system and it will work for you.

For information on your nearest club - phone or e-mail as per the moving banner at the top of this site

Circles of Influence and Concern

2009-12-13T16:15:00.007+02:00

Whilst at high school both my children have been members of group accident insurance schemes. The insurance covers the medical bills in the case of injuries whilst involved in any school activities. My daughter is now going to Tshwane University (TUT) and they don’t seem to have one. I think it would be excellent for all the tertiary institutions to offer these schemes as one cannot join as an individual member. Am I likely to be able to organize this at TUT?

It is fairly unlikely. It is a large organization. Their processing of student applications is already backlogged. It is quite challenging to get to speak to real people. I and my daughter are unknown to them….

Contrast this with the my daughter’s school where I have enjoyed ready access to the principal of her school, the executive head and many other staff members. I am on a first name basis with all of them. And I know how the system works.

At the school my circle of influence was large but at the varsity it is tiny. In both places I am concerned for the education & well being of my daughter and the related costs so the circle of concern remains fairly constant in size.

Circle of concern

Circle of influence

GAP

When at the school the circle of concern is only a little larger than my influence. At TUT the gap is huge. This is where frustration comes in. In most circumstances our circle of concern is greater that our circle of influence. The bigger the gap, the greater the frustration. If you are high up in a company your influence is generally pretty high. The further down the ladder you are the less your influence. The larger the organization, the higher up you have to be to have influence.

When I worked at middle management level in a 50-employee IT company I could walk into any of the directors’ offices and be heard and often make an impact on their decisions. When I moved to the same level position at SARS with 13000+ employees I could access a few senior managers and one or two executive heads, at a push, with a formal appointment.

I often meet people who are struggling with this – “I want them to do this”, “They should do the following”, “No-one listens to me”.

We are trying to exert influence over others. As a parent of a newborn one has influence almost as great as one’s concern. As the child grows the circle of influence shrinks. But the concern remains almost as great. Our influence over other family, friends or acquaintances may be even less, depending on how much they trust and respect us. The only place where we truly have really great influence is over ourselves.

The concept of these two circles is a Stephen Covey one. Understanding it puts us in a position to do something about it. We can either grow our circle of influence, reduce our circle of concern or accept the gap with less emotion.

In some places we can grow our influence by getting more involved, better known, contributing more. At the school I had that big circle of influence because we’d been there for five years, attended many functions, volunteered to assist at school expos and contributed actively via the parents’ association for the last three years.

We can reduce some of our concern for others by reminding ourselves that they have their own path to walk, their own lessons to learn. My daughter is now 18. Most of what she experiences or gains from her varsity years has to now become her responsibility (even though we are paying for it J). She has to start flying a little way from the nest, strengthening her wings for future long distance flight.

Sometimes we can do nothing to shift the gap from either side. Then we either keep on fighting because we feel so strongly or we can relax, accept it as it is, and save our energies for another situation.

So the next time you find yourself frustrated trying to make something happen, look at your circle of concern, compare it to your circle of influence, see if you can do anything to adjust the gap. And if not, decide whether it is a battle worth fighting or not.

Does Vodacom respect us as customers - part 1

2009-10-22T17:15:00.003+02:00

My business partner in Nurture Your Future, arrived for a meeting rather distracted. She had just received notification that her 3G data card useage was up to R4800 for the current month. This on a contract of R649 per month.

A couple of weeks later she is still struggling to get Vodacom to look into how the usage shot up in less than a week.

Wishing to learn from her bad experience I called 111 to see if I had a setting on my 3G card to warn me when I exceed my contract limit. I was informed that everyone receives an SMS to let them know when they are going to be billed for bandwidth useage outside of the contract.

My first gripe is that, that SMS is sent to the data card number. I don't use my 3G card for SMS's. I use my cellphone. In fact I don't use my card much at all as I have ADSL at my office. If something goes wrong and my data allowance is being chewed up I am not going to know anything about it. There seems to be no option to have the notification sent to another cellular number. Does Vodacom actually want me to see the message? Or do they just want to be able to say they sent it?

The call centre agent helpfully suggested that I could put a call limit lock on the card's number as well. I thought this was the perfect solution. The minimum limit allowed is R50 over contract excl VAT. So I agreed on this limit thinking "50 bucks plus VAT, that's an acceptable risk".

Then came the catch. Before they implement the limit you have to receive a request form, and return to them the reference number on that form, in acknowledgement that you have received it.

When the form arrived I found it contains a waiver. The clause reads "If for any reason whatsoever your limit is not enforced you will remain liable to pay all the charges in excess of the limit set or not."

Now I ask, why should the technology not enforce the limit? And why should it be my fault if it doesn't?

Have I not done my part in asking for it to be placed there?

To my mind this is not customer service. This is PR. The company can say it sends warning messages when certain levels of use are exceeded. It can say it has systems in place for customers to limit over use. But in reality the messages are quietly placed where they may well not be seen and they take no responsibility for enforcing the safe guards.

Does this sound like the behaviour of a company that values and respects its clients?

Experiencing the universe in action

2009-10-16T21:04:00.003+02:00

This week I had the amazing opportunity to be connected with someone, and to see why, within hours.

It started with me receiving an e-mail advertising a charitable function. I had received this before and knew I was already committed for that evening.

This time my attention was drawn to the name of the founder of the NGO. Lets call her Sarah. There was familiarity in the name and I felt drawn to check if I had met her. She wasn't in my contact database so I googled (how else does one find people these days :-)).

I found her LinkedIn profile. My eye was drawn to the education block. Over ten years ago she had been at the same school as my daughter now attends. I am on the parent committee of that school and had been at the AGM just the night before.

This was too many coincidences. I had to make some sort of contact. So I sent an SMS to the number on the invite explaining the link and asking to connect on LinkedIn.
She replied immediately and I sent the invite.

About an hour later my cell phone rang. It was Sarah. She was having trouble replying to my LinkedIn invite. Shortly thereafter she was pouring out her frustrations and concerns about making the fundraiser a success - sharing how she had been in tears the night before. We chatted for awhile about things she could do. Nearly half an hour later we rang off with her sounding calmer and refocussed.

So often we meet people in unusual ways and in some cases years later I haven't come across the reason why that connection occured. This time I had the answer so quickly. It was awesome to be able to play a roll in the universe's fulfillment of a need.

Overcoming - Setbacks Turned into Opportunities

2009-09-14T09:33:00.002+02:00

We all experience setbacks. That is part of life. Whether it is as simple as phoning to invite a friend and finding they aren't available or as serious as losing a limb. It is what we do with these situations that determines our lives.

Today I stumbled across this article on Natalie du Toit, South Africa's multi award winning swimmer, who overcame the loss of her leg.

Our results come from our actions, which in turn are influenced by our emotions and thoughts. To get the best results we need to ensure that what we see, hear and think is supportive of our vision. Here is a short version of Natalie's story to give you some fresh inspiration. http://www.leader.co.za/article.aspx?s=23&f=1&a=1519

What services will you pay for?

2009-07-01T18:01:00.004+02:00

I have a friend who is the “Admin Handyman”. He recently sent me a solution to something a little out of the ordinary that I was trying to do in MS Outlook. I was over the moon and replied with thanks, asking how he found it when I had spent ages searching for the solution.

His reply was - One of the services I offer is Internet Research. More often than not I do this for nothing, as in your case, when I hear something at a meeting or in a conversation. I should, of course, charge. If I had said I will research the answer for you at a cost per hour would you have paid me, irrespective of the result, i.e. for the time I have taken to do the research?

I thought his question was an interesting one and one which may be of interest to many of the readers. People make choices based on perceived value for money and fulfilment of a need.

I sent Peter the following answer - I suppose it’s back to the balance between time and finances – does one have the time to do the research without intruding on one’s core business and family time or does one have the money to pay someone else to do it? In most cases the cost of getting someone else to do the work will probably work out a lot cheaper than doing it oneself.

You raised some interesting questions around the issue of value associated with internet research.

I think it is a balance between cost and need.

In general I am very wary of giving a go ahead for IT problem solving work that is based on a cost per hour basis. This is because I know how time consuming it can be – whether we are solving it on the machine or researching a solution – and how virtually impossible it is to estimate up front how long it will take.

If something will not work at all and it is imperative that I get it sorted out, then I would generally have to pay whatever it takes.

However most of the time resolving a problem is only worthwhile within a certain cost. Let’s say the limit is R500. Then so long as I can get a solution for R500, I want it. If it will either cost more than this or I risk paying the money and not getting a solution for it, then I will either do without or try it myself.

The reason trying it myself is still worthwhile is that

I am in a position to say when it is no longer worth trying
I may well learn something useful along the way
I can choose to see it as “recreational” and do it instead of watching TV etc.

I think having internet research as a paying service for clients who are cost sensitive may require the following:

Define clearly what the required outcome is
Estimate how long that will take you
Give a fixed quote ie a quote for the job regardless of how much or little time it takes you. The client will then accept or reject that based on the perceived value to themselves of having the task accomplished

If one is doing a fair bit of this there will be some jobs you gain on and some you lose on, so it will work out fairly in the end. The more you do it, the more accurate the quoting will become.

The logic in this answer can be applied to many services. Is it relevant to your business? Do you “buy” in this way yourself?

If you need to contact Peter for virtual or onsite admin services or internet research drop him a mail at peter@adminhandyman.co.za and tell him Alison gave you the recommendation.

Do you have an empty swimming pool?

2009-07-01T17:46:00.004+02:00

I recently shared a great story on this blog that I had received from Adele Howell-Pryce, and I gave her credit for it. I have since been contacted by Bernadette Doyle, apparently the original author, as per the comment below.

I apologise for unintentionally using Bernadette's work without credit.

It is a great story with a message for all of us. My copy and paste function does not want to work, so unfortunately I cannot replace the article, therefore I am removing it. The link to Bernadette's original is given in her comment below. Enjoy!

More than a Blind Biker

2009-05-14T15:42:00.005+02:00

A different Bumble Bee Insight today - a story about a client of mine - an amazing man, Jacob Kruger.

Jacob calls himself the Blind Biker which you will understand when reading the article. He has faced extreme adversity with great fortitude and is an inspiration to all of us, whether disabled or able bodied.

The article is reproduced from Imfama Magazine with both their and Jacob’s permission.

More than a Blind Biker…
Lindie van Zyl

I pondered for a long time on how I could capture the essence of an interesting, multi-facetted man that I was introduced to. Which box could I put him in for a clearer description? I soon realised though that 36 year old Jacob Kruger does not fit into any box. In fact, Jacob casually sums up his whole existence in four words: “I am just me.” He has been blind for just over four years now, but losing his sight never changed who he was. This is Jacob Kruger…

Getting Back on the Bike:
Let me start here…the accident. Jacob is a motorbike enthusiast and loves to drive around on his bike. In November 2005 he had a major accident with his bike when a motorist in the lane next to him, swerved into him. Jacob and his wife, who were both on the bike, were thrown off. He sustained serious injuries and was in a coma for almost a month, taking just over three months to become lucid again. The serious physical injuries resulted in his loss of sight. Sadly, Jacob’s wife was killed in the accident.

Doctors told Jacob that his brain moved around so much inside his scull during the accident that his optical nerve tore where it was attached to his brain – this caused his blindness.

He eventually left the hospital in March 2006, and started orientation and mobility training, which included getting used to walking around with a white cane, doing some cooking and so forth. The orientation and mobility training helped Jacob, however, the greatest enlightenment for him was finding out how to make use of technology without his sight, and getting back to using a computer. Since Jacob is a web developer and had basically lived on the internet since it became available in South Africa around 1996, re-learning how to use a computer was very important to him.

Raising Hell with the Hellrazors:
After his accident, Jacob did a Google search for ‘blind motorcyclist’ and came across a write-up about Billy Baxter, who was part of the UK army's motorcycle stunt team before he became blind. Billy is now in the Guiness Book of Records for doing 180mph on a bike after losing his sight. Jacob found Billy to be very inspiring and wanted to get back on a bike himself, but just sitting at the back was never an option for him.

When Jacob recovered, he was back at work and back in the biking scene. He is a member of a bike club called the Hellrazors (named after the Ozzy Osbourne song). The club members support Jacob in many ways, including guiding him when he rides his bike.

Once a year, normally in November, the Hellrazors organise their own track day at the Phakisa raceway in Welkom, and this is where Jacob gets on his favourite motorbike (a Suzuki Bandit 1200 Streetfighter), puts on a radio headset, full leathers and a good helmet, and rides up and down the main straight with his friend giving him instructions via a cellular phone.

Jacob enjoys this so much that he says: “Although I have a dark visor on my helmet since I don't need to let the light in, I reckon the 50 or so people watching me, cheering, shouting and taking photos must have known that I was smiling so broadly inside my helmet that it almost hurt my face.”

IT Enthusiasm:
Jacob, who is an IT-fundi, designed the Hellrazors’ website (www.hellrazors.co.za), his own website (www.blindza.co.za) as well as some interesting pieces of programming for and about blind people.

Although he knows only basic braille (he only uses it for labelling things like pills, spices and food), Jacob has written his own talking computer software, including a braille reference feature which gives instructions on how to write letters in basic braille as you type them on the keyboard. He has also invented his own talking version of snakes and ladders for the computer - using the original board, along with sound effects and speech output. The idea behind the game, as explained by Jacob, is for it to be used even by sighted kids so that they can form an idea of how visually impaired people use computers.

Jacob started the first e-mail mailing list for 'bikers' in South Africa in 1997, called BikerZA. He has now also started such a list for visually impaired persons and anyone interested in supporting them, or even just for people who are interested in learning about their lifestyle. The link to the page for that mailing list is: www.freelists.org/list/blindza

Dog Tags and Tattoos:
Above all, Jacob is an excellent advocate for blind people. He is very approachable and carries the ‘signs of blindness’ with pride. As he puts it: “I wear leathers and have tattoos, so people are not afraid to ask me questions”.
True to his style, Jacob sports braille tattoos on his forearms, which consist of black raised ink dots. He is a firm believer in balance and therefore he has two words of equal length – one positive and one negative- on his arms. The left arm’s tattoo spells out the word “depression” and the right one balances it with “positivity”. He also wears a silver dog tag plate around his neck with his name brailed on it. Jacob uses his dog tag and tattoos to show people what braille looks like. I must say this is definitely more interesting than having braille explained on an alphabet card!

Jacob is also working on a set of instructions for newly blinded people. This will include who to contact, where to go for assistance and so forth. On this he added: “I refer people to Council as some people do not know about its existence.”

Motorcycle Gloves and a Dog called Inzamam:
Jacob, who lives in Kempton Park, is still designing websites, but also started a new job in October 2008, programming in a Windows environment. He adjusted to his new world quite fast. Jacob also told me that he uses his motorcycle gloves for cooking, since they're thin enough to still be able to feel what he’s doing without really having to worry about getting burnt. Although this is very ingenious of him, I wouldn’t advise trying this at home!

A big black Labrador guide dog named after the great Pakistani cricket player – Inzimam ul Haq, joined Jacob in February 2009. Jacob and Inzamam are already getting along nicely.

On Playing ‘Happy Birthday’:
In his already busy life, Jacob still has time for hobbies! He says that he plays drums as a form of exercise as well as a way to vent his frustrations. Well, at least he’s thought of a melodious way to vent… Jacob also recently acquired a mouth organ which he carries around in his bike jacket. He feels that this is one instrument where being able to see or not, has no impact on your playing of the instrument. He is practising whenever he has time, and has already mastered playing Happy Birthday, although I’m sure a few more interesting songs will be added to his repertoire very soon!

Originally published in Imfama Magazine. The official magazine of the South African National Council for the Blind
PO Box 11149, Hatfield, Pretoria 0028
Web: www.sancb.org.za, E-mail: stacey@sancb.org.za

Integrated Rugby

2009-05-05T15:18:00.004+02:00

A couple of Saturday's back I was at KES (King Edward VII School) in Houghton to watch their first team "The Reds" take on Jeppe Boys High - both government schools. KES won with some excellent school boy rugby.

I am no rugby guru but those in the know are saying The Reds this year are the best first team that KES has fielded for many years. Much of that maybe due to the new coach, Carl Spilhaus.

What struck me was that seven of the KES starting 15 were black players. Apparently all 15 are also boarders, but it was the integration of the team that caught my attention. Seeing that the team is so strong this year one can surmise that this is a team chosen on merit. And as such what a really super example of how integration can occur naturally when given time.

These boys were mostly born in 1991. They are children born after Nelson Mandela was released from jail and who started school well after the first democratic elections. If this team is an indication of what is happening in school rugby then we can say that it has taken 15 years, since the 1994 birth of the "new" SA, for integration to get through to matric level sport. If these 18 year olds (white and black) are given support and encouragement some of them can conceivably move on into provincial and eventually national rugby over the next five years. It will then have taken 20 years to achieve natural integration in rugby - just a generation! Without all the aggro that has accompanied the forced, accelerated integration at national level since 1994.

Was pushing integration, with its rumours that players haven't earned their jerseys, really worth it?

Lessons from Barbara Cassani

2009-04-28T14:23:00.003+02:00

Today’s thoughts are especially for those of you who are either managers or business owners – and anyone else who is interested.

Yesterday we awoke very early to an extremely cold autumn morning on our small boat on the Vaal Dam. So I climbed back under the duvet for a few hours of great reading. I was reading “Go - An Airline Adventure” by Barbara Cassani. The Sunday Times (probably the UK one) says it is “One of the business reads of the year” and I agree wholeheartedly. In March 1997, Barbara Cassani was asked to set up and run a low cost airline for BA. She turned a profit in three years, led a management buyout and eventually sold the company for £374 million, just four years after its launch.

Surprisingly for a story about a business started with corporate money, this is a story of entrepreneurship. This lady used guts and chutzpah coupled with excellent people skills and sound business analysis to do what very few thought possible. The book is a really enjoyable read whilst at the same time sharing a great deal that we can all learn from.

Some of the points I picked up on:
· The management team of Go were always clear on the company’s purpose – “To be Europe’s best low cost airline. - To provide best prices with the best no-frills service.”

· Barbara (the CEO) stated from the outset that ‘employees must know they matter and customers must get genuine value for money’. And she stuck to this even when it meant some very tough decisions. After 9-11, when other airlines had to lay off staff, Go did not. They had regular GO MAD awards for people who made a difference and all staff received personal thank you’s and birthday messages from the CEO. Go reintroduced pre assigned seating because the normal low cost push and shove method created excessive stress for the traveller.

· At the same time she is a tough, determined, driven lady – no push over. She is a perfect example of what I often speak about - making sure people are treated well does not mean being soft.

· Go demonstrated another of my favourites - marrying human and business needs results in a profitable company with happy people working in it. They had tremendous spirit resulting in staff and management often going much further than the extra mile to handle emergencies. Barbara calls this their Warrior Spirit.

· This Warrior Spirit was part of the culture Barbara and her management team created at Go. It was a culture of all working together to make the company successful. Barbara comments on how there will always be operational glitches in a low cost operation. At these times only with the goodwill of the employees pulls the business through. She says you cannot buy this goodwill. I agree but would add that you can earn it through treating everyone authentically, kindly, fairly, equally but uniquely.

· Barbara’s communication skills really stood out for me. She communicated as openly and as frequently as possible with staff and customers using many methods but mostly verbal – either in person or with podcasts. This was emulated by her management and staff so that when emergencies occurred at airports that were beyond their control, they still managed to keep their customers – because they talked to them!

· She and her team stuck to the company’s values; were high energy; made tough decisions and found creative solutions.

Barbara writes, "Business models don't make profits, people do.
Passion, honesty and emotional commitment to people and the business produces excellence; mediocrity is the result without them."

I think this is a must read for business owners and managers. And this coming long weekend is a great opportunity to snuggle in and read. (The ISBN number is 0 7515 3560 5.)

It's a generational thing

2009-03-10T08:37:00.002+02:00

Have you noticed that your attitudes and values are different from that of your parents or grandparents? Perhaps they keep the old wrapping paper to reuse, saying “waste not, want not” and get upset when you change jobs after “only” five years.
If you have children in high school or older do you sometimes clash with them over their attitude or values. Are their friends more important than their own family and would they prefer to send a text message instead of talking face to face?
This is apparently because we belong to different generations.

When I first heard about generational theory I thought it was nonsense. I believed my children differed from me because they were going through a teenage phase, which would pass. And I differed from my mother because we have different personalities. Then I began noticing that the younger staff in our office, were different from myself and colleagues of my age, in some ways that were consistent amongst themselves, regardless of personality.

Unlike many other theories about people this one is not psychological but sociological. And it isn’t new. A 14th Century Bedouin, Ancient Greek writers, Chinese philosophers and the writers of the Old Testament all noted the cyclical nature of history and generational development. However it was really popularised by two Americans, Howe and Strauss, in the 1990’s. Since then our own Graeme Codrington, with his company TomorrowToday, has made it easy for all of us to understand through his talks and his book called “Mind the Gap”.
Graeme explains simply, “Generational theory explains that the era in which a person was born affects the development of their view of the world.” Strauss and Howe point out that “History creates generations and generations create history”.

A generation tends to be about 20 years in length. Because it is bounded by significant events in the country or region the dates can differ from place to place. According to Codrington people in South Africa with the same generational characteristics are 3-5 yrs younger than the same group in the UK and that in turn is 3-5 yrs younger than the same generation in the US. Therefore in total there is up to 10 years difference between SA and the US. This is important when reading articles about the latest generation – the millennium generation. Most of these are written from the States and speak about their place in the workplace. Here in SA those people are just finishing school now and have not yet entered the workplace.

Tonight I would like to briefly look at two of the generations that are very active in our workplace at present: the baby boomers who were born from around 1950 and the Generation Xers who followed them from about 1970 until the end of the 80’s. So for us here that means if you are over 40 years old you are possibly a Boomer and if you are younger then you maybe a Generation Xer.

Those who have studied these two groups in the workplace describe the Boomers as a workaholic generation, driven, goal oriented and bottom line focussed; motivated by vision, mission and strategy. They are principled and optimistic with a leadership style that doesn’t consult much with other generations. They hate ageing hence the booming industry in anti aging products.

On the other hand the Xers look for quick, short term rewards and for a work-life balance. They are informal, self reliant and individualistic. All of which can make them appear arrogant and rebellious. They dislike bossiness and company culture. And they need constant change and experiences. They are sceptical of hype and being “sold” and tend to be more pessimistic.

People born as the generations changeover are called cuspers. According to Codrington they tend to take on the characteristics of one or the other generation but they are comfortable with both. This makes them very good at bridging the gap.

Why is it useful to have some understanding of how generational theory applies to the workplace?
Well differences between people are often a cause of conflict. But if we understand where that difference is coming from it is easier to tolerate and accept it and potential conflict can then be reduced.

Recession?

2009-02-26T11:21:00.002+02:00

At a business networking function on Tuesday evening, the guest speaker spoke about a recession and us needing to open our eyes to it. I didn’t see the purpose in that.

I spoke to quite a few people at the dinner who are not feeling pessimistic. They don’t deny that globally a big shake up is taking place. They just don’t feel it is “the end of the world”. In fact one or two said “This is Africa’s time.”

We are not in a recession. Maybe we will still go into one, maybe we won’t. What do we achieve by focusing on the possibility? How does it make us feel any better or prevent it or get us out of it?

The speaker suggested that we shouldn’t be spending money on extravagant luxuries. I agree with that, if the spending means using credit and increasing your debt. As individuals the lesson we can take out of the current circumstances is that debt is a trap. Take small but continual steps to get yourself out of any debt you may already have and don’t create any additional debt without careful consideration.

It seems to me as a lay person that everything in international finance and economics is cyclical. And those cycles benefit some and hinder others. When interest rates are high those with bonds and loans cringe, but pensioners with investments rejoice. Then they come down and the response swings over. When dollars are expensive in rands the importers cry, whilst the exporters rejoice. Despite all the doom and gloom stories there are astute businessmen preparing to make a lot of money right now.

I suggest we each need to find where we can make present circumstances work for us. As an example my work with staff and managers, when embraced, results in increased efficiency and productivity. In tight economic times smart companies realize they can no longer afford to be wasteful with their human resource. They need to be more productive in order to be profitable. I need to capitalize on that. What can you capitalize on?

PACE your Butterflies

2009-02-24T09:06:00.002+02:00

Heart pounding, knot in your stomach, tight chest, brain disconnected, can’t remember anything…..
Can you relate to those symptoms?
Perhaps when waiting to be introduced as a speaker? Or sitting in reception before an important job interview?

When we are under stress our bodies ready themselves either to fight or to flee and the non dominant part of our brain shuts down. This can result in any or all of the symptoms I just described.

When people talk about handling nerves they sometimes say “it’s normal to have butterflies in your stomach – you just have to keep them flying in formation”. I am going to share with you a couple of techniques to do just that. To calm your body and clear your brain - helping you to function optimally.
The educational kinesiologists call this “doing PACE”.

To help you to remember I’d like you to do them along with me.

There are four steps.
The first is to drink water
Our brains consist of 80-90% water. Without being fully hydrated the thought impulses cannot travel correctly from one brain cell to the next. We need around 1.5 – 2l a day – more if we are perspiring from exercise or nerves.

The second is brain buttons
This exercise helps improve blood flow to the brain - to "switch on" the entire brain and improve concentration skills
· Put one hand so that there is as wide a space as possible between the thumb and fingers.
· Lean forward, hunching your shoulders in.
· Place your index or second finger – whichever feels more comfortable, and thumb, into the slight indentations below the collar bone on each side of the breast bone. Massage.
· At the same time put your other hand over your tummy button. Keep massaging for at least 20s.

The third is cross crawl
This helps to integrate the right and the left sides of the brain so you get more whole brain thinking and you counteract any tendency for the non dominant side to want to shut down.
· Stand up. Start marching on the spot touching each hand alternately on the opposite knee. You are crossing right to left and top to bottom.
· Do this either sitting or standing for about a minute.

And lastly "Hook Ups"
This works very well to calm the mind and improve concentration.
· Push your chairs back to give you a bit more space.
· Cross the right leg over the left at the ankles.
· Take your right wrist and cross it over the left wrist and link up the fingers so that the right wrist is on top.
· Bend the elbows out and gently turn the fingers in towards the body until they rest in the centre of the chest. Stay in this position.
· Keep the ankles crossed and the wrists crossed and then breathe evenly and deeply for a few minutes. Good breaths right from the tummy. Deep breath out pushing the tummy flat. Deep breath in filling right down to the tummy.
· Do this for a couple of minutes.

To summarise, PACE has four steps
- Drink plenty of water
- Rub the brain buttons
- Do cross crawl
- Hook up and breath deeply

Next time you are in a situation where you want to give of your best, give this a try and “PACE your butterflies”.

The Cat that Growled

2009-01-27T08:47:00.000+02:00

“Grrr” “Grrr” I stopped abruptly as I entered the kitchen. Standing still I looked cautiously around me. None of my dogs around. No strange dogs. “Grrr”…”Grrr”. The sound was coming from the washing machine.

The machine stood in a narrow recess with just a slight gap on either side but the nook itself was deeper than the machine, so there was about a ruler length of space behind it. The deep, menacing growl was coming from in there.

The only way to see behind was to lean over the machine and look down from above. Whatever was down there could jump up, teeth bared, claws flying into my face. I hesitated, took a deep breath and peered over cautiously.

A small black face with narrow green eyes glared up at me, and growled again. I retreated quickly. It was Pukka, my black cat, that on a normal day loved nothing better that to drape herself around my neck like one of those fox furs that high fashion people used to wear.
Now what was she so angry about? I ran through possibilities in my mind – she had hurt herself badly and was scared out of her wits or, ‘oh no” could she have rabies?

I gingerly took another look. She was crouched down, staring up at me. There was no frothing at her mouth but her hair was sticking up like the bristles on a brush.

I’d have to get her to a vet but how? I certainly didn’t want to get attacked. Instead of calling our usual small animal vet I called the equine vet because she always came out to see our horses. After listening to my account of what was happening she instructed me to bring the cat into the surgery immediately. It seems that tiny cats don’t qualify for house calls!

I fetched the metal travelling cage and a bath towel. Fortunately the maid was in the house. We eased the washing machine forward so it was only just keeping the recess blocked. Whilst Aletta swung the machine sharply out I threw the towel over Pukka and pounced on the squirming body. Between us we wrestled the bundle through the small opening of the cage, pushed the lid closed and quickly slid the locking bar across. By the time it was locked the cat had wriggled out of the towel and stood bristling on top of it, growling from deep down in her chest.

The vet’s surgery was close by so we were soon in her rooms with the cage stood on the metal examination table. Dr Higgerty keeping a respectful distance from the tiny, angry, black fur ball observed Pukka and interrogated me. What had she eaten? Had we seen any other animals behaving strangely? Had anything unusual happened today or yesterday? “No, everything has been as usual. She was perfectly well yesterday. I put flea muti on her in the afternoon and she ate her usual supper.”

“What did you say about muti?” asked the vet. I explained that a veterinary nurse friend had given us a bottle of anti flea and tick muti to use for the dogs and cats. Yesterday I’d dosed all the animals on the back of their necks. “How many drops did you use? she asked. “Well, it’s supposed to be 3 for a cat but she wriggled so much that I couldn’t see exactly.”

“I think you’ve poisoned her. Cats are extremely sensitive to medicines and they have highly absorbent skins. If she got more drops than she was meant to she maybe terribly ill.

I felt dreadful. I love animals and I never want to see them suffer. And certainly not to cause it.

The vet said she’d give Pukka an injection of atropine and keep her in for observation. If she improved then we’d know it was an accidental poisoning. If she died her brain would have to go to Ondestepoort for autopsy to see if she had rabies.

As she lifted Pukka out of the cage, Pukka, quick as lightening, grabbed her finger and bit, drawing blood. The vet turned white but bravely hung on and the injection was given. A tense couple of days followed whilst we waited to see if the cat and the vet would be alright!

Fortunately a few days later I was able to fetch a perfectly healthy cat from a deeply relieved vet. Pukka purred like a little engine all the way home whilst I promised myself I’d never overdose a cat again.

Searching for purpose, happiness, meaning ...

2009-01-20T10:46:00.000+02:00

Exclusive Books has just published their list of the 110 best selling books for 2008.

The top four are all books about searching - searching for happiness, purpose, meaning, self fulfillment, abundance. They are all books in some way related to self development and to either finding what you want within the life you already have or turning that life upside down to create a new one that has more meaning or fulfillment.

Then The Shack, Kite Runner and Shantaram are in the next five - all books that call the reader to think, reflect on their lives and on the human race.

Ten years ago this list would have looked very different. It is not just that these books are being written. It's that there is a need for them. An audience just waiting to buy and embrace them. Wanting to be challenged to think beyond the basics of getting up, going to work, eating supper and going to sleep.

Not one of the top ten in the list is a true novel. Those that are labelled fiction, are all in fact based on true experiences.

What is it about the new millenium that has awakened so many more people? Is it the age of aquarius - the searching for knowledge? A universal consciousness?

I don't know, but I am so pleased. My purpose is to be a facilitator for people wanting to be the best they can be. And to help people understand themselves and others so as to work together in productive harmony. There are now so many more opportunities for me to walk alongside those whose journey touches mine.

Here is the top 10 list

1. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Elizabeth Gilbert
2. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose Eckhart Tolle
3. The Secret Rhonda Byrne
4. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari Robin S. Sharma
5. Spud John van de Ruit
6. The Shack William P. Young
7. The Kite Runner Khaled Hosseini
8. In Black and White: The Jake White Story Jake White & Craig Ray
9. Shantaram Gregory David Roberts
10. After the Party Andrew Feinstein

To view the rest of the list go to http://www.exclusivebooks.com/features/2008top100.php

The Violinist

2009-01-20T10:30:00.000+02:00

Welcome back to Insights from the Hive. I hope you found tons of enjoyment over the festive season.

When I received the following true story, from a friend yesterday, I found it very thought provoking; a good way to start off this new year. (I have added a little more info that I found on the internet.)

My theme for this year is doing something differently. For all of us some things worked well for us in 2008 and some didn’t. To move forward in our personal lives as well as our businesses or jobs we need to do at least one thing differently. What are you going to do differently in 2009?

A Violinist in the Metro

It was a cold January morning in 2007. A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and began to play a violin. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, over a thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money down and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, a man leaned against the wall to listen but then looked at his watch and started to walk on again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tried to hurry him along but the child stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time.
This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 7 people stopped to listen to him and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32.
When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded. There was no recognition.

The incognito violinist in the baseball cap was in fact Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played some of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a 300 year old Stradivarius violin.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theatre in Boston and the seats averaged $100. During the nearly 45 minutes he played in the subway only one person had recognised him. That person gave a $20 tip.

This was an experiment organized by columnist Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.
The question was: In a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour
Do we perceive beauty?
Do we stop to appreciate it?
Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Does the value change if we place a higher price on accessing it? (Business owners think about perceived value of your product or service).

Wishing you all a very special 2009. One in which you make time for self, for special moments with loved ones, for gratitude for living and for the world around you.

The path to true happiness

2008-12-08T17:15:00.000+02:00

Many religions have an important celebration in the last couple of month’s of the year – Christmas, Hanukkah, Loy Kruthong, Diwali and for followers of Islam it is Eid today. For those who aren’t religious, here in SA I think most celebrate Christmas in one form or another.

These festivities make it a time of happy celebration for some, sadness or stress for others.

Therefore when I received this little piece of prose from a friend, I thought it most appropriate for my last bumble bee insight of the year. Whether you love or dread these festivities you can, as the poem explains, find your own happiness and gift it to yourself.

The Path to True Happiness

What is the path to true happiness? How far must you go to find happiness?
You need not go very far at all. For happiness is always inside you, ready whenever you are.
No object, no person, no circumstance will make you happy. You are always happy when you decide to be.
The good things in life do not cause happiness. It is precisely the other way around.
Allow happiness to flow out from you, and the good things in life will surround you and fill your world. Choose to be happy, with no conditions imposed upon that happiness, and you'll create the ideal conditions for your life.
Happiness is a beautiful gift you can give yourself no matter what. Give it freely and it will change your world.

Wishing you all much happiness and good health over this festive season.

Post christmas organising action

2008-12-06T18:22:00.000+02:00

Here is a link to a great article from "Get Organised" on making space for all the new things you acquire at Xmas time.

http://www.getorganised.co.za/pics/pdfs/POST%20CHRISTMAS%20ORGANISING%20ACTION.pdf

Ethics in school and at home

2008-12-06T18:11:00.000+02:00

A recently circulated e-mail emphasized that the Bible says though shalt not kill. It went onto say that schools no longer teach Christianity or Judaism and therefore children don't learn this "rule". The conclusion was that this results in incidents such as school shootings.

The author was of course referring to the Ten Commandments. I think all the major religions and philosophies of the world teach something along those lines. No matter what anyone’s personal religious views are, parents and teachers can and should be, bringing up children to know and respect a set of ethical values. During the teenage years, being the turbulent stage that they are, it is very helpful for a teenager to have an ethical religion or philosophy to hold on to: to be their guidance when confused and to give them a greater reason to hold out against peer pressure.

At www.globalethics.org there is a list of what they call universal values – honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness (justice) and compassion (love).

If we all followed those universal values and brought children up to do the same would it reduce incidents such as the one at Skielik and the West Rand samurai sword killing?

The Second Tragedy

2008-12-06T18:06:00.000+02:00

“Pietermaritzburg October 27th - What began as a festive night celebrating the Sharks' victory over the Blue Bulls on Saturday ended in tragedy after four young people, including two local matric pupils, died in a horror accident on the N3 in the early hours of Sunday morning.
A policeman said the Ford Bantam bakkie, which didn't have a canopy, was crammed to capacity with people on the back and in front - 12 altogether.
The driver apparently lost control of the vehicle after another vehicle blocked him in the fast lane.
Among the dead is St Charles College head boy Samukele Khumalo. The St Charles’ headmaster described Khumalo's death as "a tragedy".”He was the type of young man who would have been a future leader of the country”. He was captain of the rugby team and head of the boarding house.”

Was that tragic? Yes it was. A young life wasted.

But there was another even greater tragedy that night.
The report also states:
“His classmate, Sphamandla Bhengu was admitted to the Pietermaritzburg Medi Clinic. Bhengu is in a "stable and critical" condition with head and neck injuries.”

What does that mean “stable and critical”, “head and neck injuries”?
It could mean paralysis.
It definitely means he suffered a severe traumatic brain injury or TBI for short.
It means that even if his physical injuries heal well, Bhengu’s life as he knew it, has been shattered for ever. His parents and family will discover bit by bit that he is no longer the same person he used to be, and he never will be. The brain doesn’t heal like the rest of the body.

When hearing of a car or bike accident where no one was killed I used to think “thank goodness”. Then I started volunteering at Headway-Gauteng, the association that supports survivors of TBI and their families. Now I know that life after a head injury can sometimes be much worse than death.

In SA there are about 100 000 new head injuries a year – about 80% of these are caused by vehicle accidents. An unconfirmed stat says “for every death on our roads four other people will suffer TBI’s”.

One of the most publicized accidents involving head injury this year was that of Ashley Callie. She suffered severe head injuries. Contrary to what her friends from the Isidingo set said, it is highly unlikely that she would ever have been able to return to work as an actress. Very few people with severe or moderate TBI ever manage to be employed again. Those who do, rarely work in their original positions.

In the case of a vehicle accident most of the damage is to the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain. These areas are used for memory, learning, planning, organizing, and problem-solving as well as controlling emotions and behaviour.

Every injury is different and how each person recovers is unique. But let me paint a picture of some common complaints.
“My son or my wife has a head injury. She used to be such a dynamic, successful person. She still has a great sense of humour but sometimes the jokes are embarrassing and inappropriate.”
“He gets angry very easily and flies into a rage.”
“When he does manage to get a job it doesn’t last long. He’s slow and disorganised and keeps on forgetting what to do. The co workers get irritated with him for repeating the same stories.”
“Now she is at home I expect her to help out but she just sits and watches TV all day.”
“I am scared to let her cook because one day she went off to play with the dog and left the food to burn.”
“He has all sorts of grand ideas but can’t see they are way beyond his capabilities.”
“We have to manage his money because he would give it away to anyone who asked.”
“Where will she stay when I am gone?”

We, as individuals can do very little about the way other drivers drive. What we can control is how we drive and the example we set for our children. We can choose not to drink and drive. We can drive at an appropriate speed for the road conditions. We can wear our seatbelts.
We can also educate our teenagers. Encourage them to make careful choices and resist peer pressure. Khumalo and Bhengu should never have been on the back of that bakkie.
Let us each do our part to reduce the risk of being killed, or possibly worse, seriously injured on the roads.

Training and Generations

2008-11-12T16:17:00.000+02:00

I have been asked to give a short talk on Generational Theory on Friday.

Until fairly recently I had not taken too much interest in the topic. I concentrated on understanding different personality styles and how to apply that for better business and relationships as well as specific techniques only used for understanding individuals in depth.

Getting on with and understanding people of different generations did not seem difficult. However with the so called Millenium Generation entering the workforce I became more aware of the differences. I am now overlaying generational theory with personality styles to deepen our understanding of how to interact productively and harmoniously with people both in and out of work.

I am addressing this specifically to those of you in the training and HR environments or in business. I believe the only real way to differentiate one’s business is through the quality of service and experience that your customers receive.

That is achieved through quality people. Quality people are those chosen for their values and qualities and then facilitated through a combination of training, coaching and mentoring to develop the required skills.

In my research I came across this blog post from the TomorrowToday company, generations-and-training, which I encourage you to read so we can all more effectively grow the skills base.

Believe in your ability

2008-11-07T17:38:00.000+02:00

I just came across this quote from Obama. This is precisely what I was talking about in the previous post.

People make change. The leader inspires and focuses the efforts.

"I'm asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. I'm asking you to believe in yours." ~ Barack Obama ~

Yes We Can

2008-11-06T15:57:00.000+02:00

I love the slogan – short, simple and inspiring - and in alignment with CanBeeDone!

Wasn’t that a great speech? Well written and presented with style and skill. Earlier in Obama’s campaign I was unimpressed by hearing him speak. But today I was so impressed and inspired I had to write.

Obama spoke to all Americans, not just Democrats. He reached out to include Republicans who’d voted against him and he complimented McCain on his contributions to the States. That was refreshing to me. Both candidates demonstrated good sportsmanship in their respective speeches - McCain gracious in defeat and Obama a courteous winner.

I am pretty clueless on US politics but leadership is my hobby horse. So far Obama is showing promise. He has a vision and he can share that so that people are inspired to join with him and follow him - two very important factors in leadership. Time will tell whether he has authenticity, another essential in my book.

John Robbie on 702 this morning was asking whether, with such high expectations from the people, Obama could deliver. A listener, with an American accent, called in to say it’s not up to Obama, but to the people, to deliver.

It made me think. There is truth in what she said. The leader will get the credit when all is said and done but it’s not his job to do the actual work or in this case make the “change”.

We all have tremendous potential within us to do good, be creative, make change, find solutions, put in productive effort. Many people are doing a great job of contributing to society in their way. But without cohesion we are like many little streams flowing across a dry plain in different directions. If all the little streams are channelled into one direction they can join together into a full, flowing river whose potential energy can be used to power a country.

A leader’s role is to have a vision, to share the vision and inspire others to follow it, to assemble a team with the required skills, create supportive conditions and let them get on with the job, all the while ensuring they remain encouraged and focussed on the vision.

After the speech was broadcast a variety of South Africans called into 702 giving comment. In all their voices you could hear the excitement. Because of a speech on the other side of the world many people here went to work feeling differently today.

Yes we can take positives from Obama’s speech and leadership example and make SA change for the better as well.

Healthy GI

2008-11-06T15:54:00.000+02:00

Butter is bad for you. Butter’s better than margarine.

Red meat’s bad – eat soya. Most soya is genetically modified. You don’t know what problems that might cause.

Advice on what is or isn’t healthy to eat is highly confusing and contradictory. But there is one concept that makes good sense, is very easy to apply and is healthy for all of us. That is the glycaemic index, or GI for short.

Many things that we eat cause a release of glucose into the bloodstream. The pancreas then releases insulin to maintain balance. If a large amount of glucose is released the pancreas responds with a large amount of insulin. The result is an initial sugar high followed by a sugar low. This yo yo-ing can feel uncomfortable and is unhealthy in the long term.

The glycaemic index is a scientific measure of the rate at which a food releases glucose. A true Low GI food releases glucose slowly and steadily into the bloodstream without overstimulating the pancreas to produce too much insulin.

By using the GI concept we can maintain steady levels of blood glucose. If we combine that with low-fat foods then blood pressure, cholesterol and weight levels can all improve as well. The Heart Foundation of SA recommends it as a healthy, normal way of eating for the whole family.

Leo and I have eaten this way since the early 2000’s. We started because both of us often experienced low blood sugar episodes. Nowadays it is rare that we have that experience of a sugar low when you struggle to think clearly and concentrate, maybe sweat or just feel tired.

Last week when speaking to my homeopath he stated that we should all probably eat in this manner just for general good health.

Now you know what GI is and why using it is good for you, how do you do it?
The idea is to adjust your choice of food so as to eat more low GI and less high GI foods.

Finding low GI foods is quite simple. Just changing the brand you buy or the variant you use is often sufficient.

Here are a few examples –
When buying breakfast cereals or breads many of them tell you on the packaging if they are “low GI”. If not then slowly become familiar with what is. If it’s All Bran Flakes you want then buy Bokomo or Spar, if oats then buy Bokomo, Spar, Pick n Pay or Woolies brands. And the wholewheat variety of Pronutro as well as the multi grain version of Provita biscuits are both low GI. By the way the so called slimmer’s cereal of Special K is a high GI cereal. This means that you feel hungry again quite quickly after eating it. A bowl of Bokomo All Bran Flakes and some plain yoghurt will keep you satisfied for much longer.

Most white and brown rice is low GI and Basmati is intermediate. Pasta made from dhurum wheat is great and baby potatoes in their skins are both delicious as well as low on the GI scale.

Most fruits and vegetables are naturally low GI. And all meats, fish and chicken as well as eggs. Also the dairy protein sources like low fat milk, yoghurt or cheese.

How our bodies react to food depends on chemistry so combining foods correctly lowers the GI. Adding milk or strangely enough sugar to cereals lowers the GI so Strawberry pops have a lower reading than Rice Krispies. Another funny one is cooking and then allowing something to cool often lowers the GI. This works with pap and custard.

Generally the simple mixing of a high GI item with a low one will bring the value down to the average. In general combining protein with carbohydrate moderates the body’s response.

To get a more detailed understanding of the GI concept you can go to the website www.gifoundation.com. There is also a range of recipe books all containing low GI, low fat recipes. The first one was called Eating for Sustained Energy. All are coauthored by Gabi Steenkamp.

To sum up why it is beneficial to adjust one’s eating in this way. It helps one generally feel well with good energy levels and in the long run reduces one’s risk for lifestyle diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol.
And best of all it is really simple to get started and it easily becomes a normal way of life.

Kairos Time

2008-11-06T15:50:00.000+02:00

Being a person who believes in synchronicity, it is no accident that the two banks I have banked with have now taken slogans that describe my approach to life.
“make things happen” and then “inspired, motivated, involved”

In 1976, before Soweto erupted in riots, I was a compliant and diligent 11 year old. Sport wasn’t my forte although I participated with great enthusiasm and lesser ball skills in the B netball team. However I was doing well in highland dancing.
My big escape was devouring books. All my life I have read anything that passes my way. At breakfast I would read the back of the cereal packets, everyday. If I visited someone in a block of flats I read the notice board whilst I waited for the lift.

It was now time to choose a high school. My parents applied for scholarships to a number of good schools and I wrote the exams and attended the interviews. The outcome was that I tied with another girl for the Kingsmead College Scholarship and was offered a bursary to attend Woodmead High School. The choice was mine. A very prestigious, all girls school or a small, radically different, co-ed school. I chose Woodmead and as the poet Robert Frost says “that has made all the difference”.

Kairos time is an opportune moment, or a time in between - in between what was and what will be. The Ancient Greeks used the word Kairos to describe a time when conditions are right for a crucial action.
Our lives are the accumulation of how we use our periods of kairos time. Each time we use one we put our lives onto a new path.
When I made my choice of high school, that was kairos time. It’s the first such kairos moment that I can recall in my life.

Woodmead encouraged and actively developed free thinking and questioning, self discipline and leadership. The school’s leaders were challenging invalid laws by being the first secular school to admit non white pupils. During the two years I was there I experienced real education rather than just schooling. The previously hidden rebellious side of me began to emerge. Thereafter I no longer accepted an adult’s superiority unquestioningly and I began to speak up for anything I felt strongly about. A boss of mine once wrote in my reference letter “Alison challenges management in a positive and polite way”. I thought he was being very kind!

In the mid 1980’s I began my first career, as an Optometrist. By 1995 I had changed from full time practise to doing locums, was married for the first time and had two young children. Regular part time work at one of Pretoria’s large practices led to another kairos moment.

I had always had an interest in IT and at this practise I had tweaked the data tables in their software. One afternoon I received a call from a man who introduced himself as Stephan from Capital Computers. He explained that his company was developing a new package for optometrists and needed an optom to help them understand the unique needs. The owners of the practice had recommended he speak to me. He asked me to go to their offices and spend two hours with the development team answering their questions. At the time I had a visitor from overseas so it wasn’t very convenient but I felt an upsurge of excitement inside and I arranged to meet them the day after. I remember going to my visitor, Mark and saying. “I think this could be my opportunity to get into the IT field”.

It turned out to be just that. I worked part time as an independent contractor for them for the next five years.

The action I took in my kairos time moved me from optometry into IT and management.
It showed me that I could do many things that I had not been formally trained for. That I could learn just about anything I set my mind to. It started me on a path that has so far also embraced four years in HR and transformation and three years on my own as a development tutor – growing people and growing businesses. By drawing on my understanding and knowledge of both human needs and business needs I help people and businesses to be as productive as possible whilst enjoying themselves.

Be aware of your own kairos time. Don’t let it slip by unnoticed.

Our Country

2008-10-15T08:21:00.000+02:00

One of the Old Boys from my daughter’s school in the Natal Midlands wrote this poem of appreciation of this country we call our home. (It also appears on the site South Africa - The Good News)

Gavin poses a question at the end, which I think anyone who has travelled out of SA for any length of time will identify with.

Towards the end of the 5 weeks we spent away last year, we began thinking of the things we missed about home.
For me it was the colourfulness of our lives here. There is never a dull moment!
When really crazy things happen I maintain my sanity and sense of humour by thinking, “only in Africa”.

Yes, we enjoyed the highly efficient public transport system in Holland and Denmark but it was also very expensive. A bus ride of 13km cost ~R30!
We saw some seriously armed police at all airports except in England and we experienced bureaucracy just as frustrating as here.
The sense of history, the old cities and the beautiful countryside were a lovely experience but I need to live with much more space around me.
And then it’s very difficult to beat our fabulous weather!

South Africa! What a place! A country of spirit, of beauty, of passion and a country of the people!

I long to wake up to the scuttling of guinea-fowl, and I long to go to sleep to the melodious howls of jackals!

I long to walk down a street with faces of all races! I long to sit by a camel thorn camp fire with the smells and aroma's of traditional South African cuisine!

I long to walk under the sparkling blanket of the African sky!

I long to smell the cool, fresh, clean air after a rain storm!

I long to hear our rich integrated accent!

I long to pay in rand!

I miss the spirit of our sporting fans! I miss Bafana Bafana, the Proteas and the Springboks!

I miss Vodacom, MTN and Cell C!

The Southern tip of Africa is a thriving, modern country, rich in history and alive with possibility!

I long for a braai, I long for a walk down our coastlines or a hike in the beautiful Drakensberg!

I long for a day in the African bush!

I long for Jo-Burg traffic and I long for the 'Sunlight' or 'Kaizer chiefs' taxi's thumping away with the base at the pace of Africa!

I long for a Castle, Black Label or Hansa!

I long for Mr Price, Pick n Pay and Woolworths! I long for the service at petrol stops, I long for our music and our Radio stations!

I long for Biltong!

I miss Leon Schuster, 7de Laan, MNet and the SABC!

Why is it all taken for granted when we have it, but missed so much, once it’s not in our grasp anymore?

Proudly South African! 'Nkosi sikilele iAfrica' God bless South Africa, because man... what a great place it truly is!!!

Gavin Mathews (working abroad) September 2007

Throw away? - No I'll need it

2008-10-14T14:17:00.000+02:00

I believe in the need to declutter. I really only started putting it into action at home, in a big way, about ten years ago.

The first time was a number of months after my then husband had moved out. I went through the house, cupboard by cupboard, over a number of weeks taking out things that belonged to him and setting them aside for him to collect. And finding other things I no longer used, needed or liked and readying them for charity. The more drawers, cupboards and shelves I finished the more energised I felt.

This has now become a pretty regular exercise once every year or so, with a super big one each time we move house. At those times the charity shops or struggling child care centres really do well with curtains and furniture joining the bric a brac.

With some encouragement my children have also picked up on the habit. They get a good feeling when they donate clothing, toys and books that they've out grown. Even my daughter who has a tendency towards hoarding, would periodically part with a few more of her (twenty odd) teddies saying, "I still love them all but they would be so loved by little girls with no toys".

The other day this topic of decluttering came up with a person who is a self confessed hoarder. They repeated the oft raised concern that once they throw something out they are going to find they do actually need it. I was asked if that ever happens to me. I have to admit that it has once or twice. I have a theory that it's in the throwing out that we stir up the energy that causes us to need that item again. If we leave it alone it won't be needed - possibly 'cause we forget it's there?!

So I have come up with a new variant for people struggling to part company. Anything that hasn't been needed, wanted or loved in the last twelve months can go out into a box in a garage or storeroom, carefully labelled so it does not get forgotten. Put the date on. Then in six months dispose of the contents to charity, recycle dump etc. That way if you have needed anything in the intervening period it will still have been available to you.

Empty Nest Syndrome

2008-10-07T12:50:00.001+02:00

Empty nest syndrome. It doesn’t just start when the children leave home, it starts much earlier. And for those who don’t have children what would your nest be like without your life partner? Or for those who are married to their jobs, what would your life be like without that job?

My children are still teenagers but because I separated, and later divorced, when they were small, and then they elected in later years to live with their Dad and are now both at boarding schools, I have had plenty of opportunity to suffer from empty nest syndrome already.

When I first separated I made myself make plans to fill the time when the children were away, doing things I enjoy. Thank goodness, I already had friendships, hobbies and interests. Thank goodness, I knew what was joyful to me.

When the children later began spending more weekday time at their father it was difficult and uncomfortable. I had to redefine my role as a mother, but it wasn’t my only role. I already had other activities and purpose that I could now focus more time on.

People often ask “Don’t you miss the children when they are away at school?” Yes, I do a little but I am already used to not being with them all the time. For the most part, I am just excited seeing them grow into amazing independent people. They are finding their own strengths, their own needs, and being challenged to live to their own values, which were first developed at home. They do this in a safe environment with the knowledge that Mom or Dad is only a phone call away.

Recently one of the Headway members told me that her husband, who has just sustained a brain injury, had still been working full time. Looking at the membership form, I enquired whether I had the age right, as he is in his seventies. She said “oh yes, he couldn’t retire because he has nothing else to do.”

We set ourselves up during our younger years for how we will cope later when the children leave home or we retire. We make choices as to how much we live our own lives or how much we define ourselves by others’ needs: our roles of parent, spouse, employee or business owner.

Do you define yourself in terms of your job?
Do you spend all your leisure time either serving your family or accompanying them on their choice of activity? What would you do if those roles were no longer required?

Do you know what brings you joy, regardless of external circumstances?
Do you enjoy your own company?
What interests or excites you, without depending on others?

When you live your life through your children you do them a disservice. The poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran says in The Prophet,

“…..And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

…..You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

The role of a parent is to prepare children for adulthood; for taking their place as contributing members of society, for living the life they were born to live.

And you were born to live your own life. Being a parent or life partner or employee is only one role in a life which has many simultaneous and consecutive roles. If you limit yourself to one role and that one goes away, the adjustment is huge. Adjustment will always be needed but the amount and the difficulty is reduced if your focus was more diverse to begin with.

We often forget our most important role – “Carer of Self”.
When we fulfil that role well we have a person with the capacity to fill many other roles superbly.

How do you insure against empty nest syndrome?

o Don’t lose sight of what is important to you,
of who you are as an individual,
of what you contribute to society.

o Keep up a variety of friendships

o Have a number of interests that bring meaning, enjoyment and fulfilment outside of family and work

o Make leisure time for yourself

Wishing you a day with “me” time in it.

Dancers show us the power of the human spirit

2008-09-22T08:27:00.003+02:00

Here is a video we all need to watch.

It is beautiful if you are a fan of ballet. It is even more beautiful if you want to see what the human spirit can overcome.

Isn't that amazing?

As humans we all have so much resilience, so much creativity, so much strength within ourselves.

What these two people have done - creatively using their talents regardless of limitations - was no doubt not easy. They may have had many down days, many questions such as "why me?" "what if things had been different?". They are human just like you and me.

What is perhaps different is that they have found a way to move beyond the frustrations, anger and doubts, to draw on the inner strength we all have and produce something beautiful regardless.

I called my company CanBeeDone to help me to remember to keep looking for ways to make things happen. I hope these two beautiful dancers will help you find ways in your life that it can be done.

PS if anyone knows more about who they are please let me know.

Adjusting to Less Power

2008-02-01T09:13:00.000+02:00

It’s just after 8 am and I still have power so I can pretty comfortably expect to be okay for the next two hours.

A few weeks ago I had a “to do” list that I slotted in between appointments. Now I have a “to do” list that’s marked “PC”, “phone” or “think”. Next to all “phone” tasks are the numbers. When the power goes off I do “phone” and “think”. “PC” work is measured in two hour blocks!

What does this indicate? Adjustment to change - sudden, externally imposed change.
It hasn’t been comfortable and it still isn’t, but it’s getting much easier.

Human beings don’t enjoy too much change and we especially don’t enjoy sudden change, and change on which we haven’t been consulted!
The initial response is usually anger, resistance, denial. If the change doesn’t back off then we eventually realise we can’t keep banging our heads against a brick wall and we begin to make adjustments - to look for the most positive way forward.

If we look back on other changes that we have been through – starting school, finishing school, having children, using fax machines and computers, cell phones, e-mail, internet, petrol rationing in the 70’s, water shortages in the 80’s ... we see that life moved on, we got used to it and we have to think hard to remember how it used to be.

I in no way condone Eskom and the Governments’ lack of planning, action, leadership and communication. But I need to accept the reality of limited power for the near to mid term and adjust myself to best manage the situation and continue to enjoy my life.

Leo and myself have made a few changes at home and in our patterns and are planning others. I thought to share them with you.

o Battery powered clocks
o Charging my cell phone more frequently
o Keeping a spare cell phone battery charged
o Getting a car charger attachment
o Ordering a laptop
o Not procrastinating when the power is on
o Solar powered battery & inverter so I can choose to run some things
o Choosing my driving routes so as to cross the main roads rather than drive along them
o Allowing more time between appointments
o Listening to educational or thought provoking CD’s in the car
o Keeping a book in the cubbyhole for other waiting periods
o Sitting outside to do things in the early evening – there is plenty of light out there
o Exercising, meditating, reading when the powers down
o Permanently placing candles and oil lamps around the house
o Having a gas appliance handy for cooking
o A cheap LED, stick on, battery powered light above the hob to see what I am cooking

If you have some suggestions of your own to reduce reliance on electricity or ease our lives please post them here, to help us all get creative.

Making a Change

2008-01-12T08:24:00.000+02:00

In today’s Insights from the Hive, my thoughts on New Years resolutions and practical steps for making change.

A week ago I was invited to be a guest on Radio 702’s Saturday health and wellness slot. However I only received the message very late so when I replied the producer had already found another guest.The topic was New Year resolutions. I wasn’t crazy about the topic as I don’t believe in them.

I listened with interest the next morning to the two psychologists on the programme. Neither of them seemed to be that keen on New Year resolutions either, so the show turned to “how to make that change you have been wanting to make but just couldn’t”. I thought that was much more useful to the listeners.

Having said that, one of the biggest decisions that I made in my life, was made within the first two weeks of a new year. However it took more than two years of separation, a new year and the turn of the millennium to bring me to that point!

We can choose to change at anytime of the year. But it will only happen when we are ready. If we are changing because of a negative situation the heat has to be great enough to make us move. If the reason is more positive we have to be sufficiently excited about the new vision to overcome the inertia of staying put.

If you want to change something it must be because YOU want it; not your family, friends or because of any perceived view from society - not because you think you should.

When you are ready to change you may be scared to death, but you will feel somewhere inside that “now is the time” or “enough is enough”.

Then what do you do?
1. Paint a vision of what it will look like when the change has taken place. Put this, in words or pictures, down on paper – this is important – it is not enough to have it in your head. eg vibey office, R30K month salary, great view from window, variety in each day, love my boss, interesting clients…

2. Write down what things have to happen for the change. Eliminate anything that is not in your control – your change is your change, not dependant on someone else doing, thinking or feeling something. eg update my CV, read book on xxxx, practise yyyy skill, brainstorm my needs and possible jobs, apply to agencies, check Wed paper for ads, mail everyone I know to let them know what I am looking for…

3. If the order of happenings is relevant put them into order and start examining the first one. If order is not relevant pick the one that is the easiest to achieve a quick win on.

4. If the chosen task is large break it down into smaller bite size chunks – the idea is to set yourself up for as much success as possible to help make it easier to get started and build some momentum.

5. If you feel you can’t do whatever that task requires break it down into why and tackle the whys as small tasks of their own. Remember “it can be done”.

6. Pull in an encouraging friend or a professional to give you support along the way and help you be accountable to yourself.

7. Write up positive, present tense statements for yourself eg I have a fulfilling job in a great environment which pays me more money than my monthly expenses. (an affirmation)

8. Work through all that is required bit by bit until you reach your goal – keep your eye on the prize - don’t give up.

Somebody else is always doing what someone said could not be done. (Unknown)

Take daily action:
- See, feel, hear, taste your end result (the one you put on paper in the beginning).

- Read your affirmations.

- Do something towards one of your required tasks every day.

- Respond immediately to any positive feedback you receive. (someone tells you of a possible lead - call them immediately; you meet someone in the field you have been thinking about – it maybe a sign that you are on the right track)

Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid.
Dorothea Brande (American writer)

New year - New blog

2008-01-07T12:39:00.001+02:00

I have created this blog so as to make my bumble bee insights available to more people as well as for sharing other interesting titbits.

To begin here is a beautiful story that circulated on e-mail after Xmas.

Volunteering and making focussed donations are so rewarding. When our new supervising psychologist began at Headway he met with all the telephone lay counsellors. His question to us was "why do you do this?" Everyone had their own answers but they all boiled down to feeling good because we are helping make a difference, large or small, to one or more people.

I hope you find the story inspiring.

For the Man Who Hated Christmas
by Nancy W. Gavin

It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas--oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it--overspending... the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike.

The inspiration came in an unusual way.Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears.

It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids - all kids - and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came.

That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years.

For each Christmas, I followed the tradition--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure.

The story doesn't end there.You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing to take down the envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit will always be with us.